Walter Miller's Home Page

Very Belated Mid-May 1997 Update page

No one's sittin around waitin for any 'downloads' HERE

Page 5 of 5

I tried to push his nose into it--well, not really INTO it, but you know, just like you woud for a puppy when he craps on the rug just to spite you when you know he knows better. He shreiked and howled like a chimpanzzee with friggin rabies. I said to him over & over (just like the doctor said) while holding the growling beast's snout down near it: WHAT IS THAT???

Finally he answeors me in this phony errudite and almost efemminate French accent:

"YOU KNOW THEESE IN AMERICA AS 'LE QUATTA-POUNDER.'
BUT HERE IN FRANSH EET IS KNOWN AS 'ZEE ROYALE'."

I told you the old bastord was listening too much to that danm Pulp Fiction CD. Well the next thing you know i let my guard down for a half second and allof a sudden he wrestled loose from me and sprang on me in a way that i want to describe perfectley but if you didnt see the new Lost World movie yet, dont read the next sentence.

But it was exactly the scene (and this doesnt spoil the plot in any way by me tellin you this) when the portly Africon American gentolman holdin the flashlight is in the feild at night with the other people runnin thriough the high grass away from the atacking carnivores and the velociraptor springs up onto him legs first and he screams. Just like that.

We start fihgting

And it was a very ugley fight let me tell you. One of Granfathers newest collections is fluorescent light ballasts. There was a shopping bag of them on the floor an he started wailing it arround at me tryin to get me in my face.

The hell with this

I said one word to him: HOOVER. He stopped fighting and said: WHUT YOU SAY BOY? And i said, NOT the president, NOT the FBI enployee in a red seqquinn gown, but the VACUUM.

I DARES YOU BOY!

I get the uprihgt, plug it in & head straihgt at the old bastord. He ducks. Then he picked up a chair and whacked me with it. i swear I woud of got the shotgun from the closet if I could of reached it. Next thing you know the vacuum bag bursts and theres that awful burnt dust smell and a cloud of dust everywhere.

I dont even remmember callin 911

When the ambuolance crew came and asked me how Granfather became unconscious, curled up on top of the reffrigerator in the kitchen, and got his long reticulated forked prehensile reptilian toungue raveled around the beater bar of the vacuume cleaner which was atached to his face i didnt have an anwser for them. Actualy I cannot coment on advice of an attourney: YES Granfather is pressing charges. Agianst his OWN Grandson. Mean beast.

By the way he WASNT hurt, they released him from the hospitol after 2 or 3 hours and that night he was smokin cigars an drinkin whiskey from a galvonized pail. I wasnt in the room when they unravoled his tounge from the beater bar but the sound it made was exactley like when you peel off 2 yards of very sticky plastic film tape to wrap arround a big package and it makes that screechy barking popping noise. You know the sound.

A discoverey

Amidst hundreds of e-mails that keep puoring in of people looking for me, That night I see one from Tony in Scotland who finally figured out WHY my prodigy homepage was down.

EPPILOG

I referred the 'techie' explanation to prodigy and told them exactley WHY my homepage is down. AND THEY FINALY FIXED IT!!! Many thanks to Prodigy. My June 1997 update will come before the end of the month and i hope to go back to TWO updaites aggain for July.

I SINCEARLY APPOLLOGIZE FOR MY HOMPAGE BEIN DOWN FOR A MONTH BUT THERE WAS NOTHIN I COUD DO ABBOUT IT.