'96 SUMMER EXTRA Update

Page 5 of 7

Granpa's Bad-boy

The doctor said this was a real problm becuase it was on the verge of bein gangreenous. His life coud be in danger and Granfather started yelling that he didnt care becuaes it itched like hell and also I was preventing him from going to colectible shows.

3 people--the doctor, a big orderley like a Sumo wrestler plus me had to restrain granfather while the nurse redressed him a third time, and a 2nd nurse in the room held him down by his head and neck with this contraption they have on hand just for him called Granpa's Bad Boy.

Grandpas Bad Boy is kept in a special closet there at the clinic. Its one of those swimming pool skim nets but on this one the stick part is reinfourced with a broomstick in the center. The net portion has chickon wire and padding added to it by way of 4 or 5 emptey 2-liter pop bottles ringing it and theyre secured by electricol tape and also a slip knot of parrachute cord to make it tight but not choke him.

Two of granfathers doctors invented and designed and named the aparratus. You wont find it in any medicol juornols.

He warned the gristley old basterd: WELL GET GRANPAS BAD BOY IF YOU DONT CALM THE HELL DOWN but he didnt listen to the doctor and so he got his head restrained.

The Bad Boy imploment is demeaning but humaine. Best of all it works and its too bad the cops didnt have it when they arrested Robney King becuase they would of been able to hold him down instead of hitting him. Also if the suspect is slimey and disgousting like granfather you dont even have to get that close.

Hes a damn Animal

Do you know what we did to keep him from biting his wuonds? The same thing you do for a danm animal.

There was a big carboard box in the clinic dumpstor and me and the orderley took the old geezer in the parking lot with packing tape and made one of those cardbaord collers that you put on a dog or cat when you take him home from the vet so they dont lick the stitches on their balls. Plus tape and with a staple gun.

Some people laughed on the way home when I stopped in the gas staiton but its too bad. Try as he might he coudnt bite his burns. Granfather cursed nastey at them and they woudnt serve us gas.

Things almost settle down

The coller stayed on with little problem and also he had a few followup trips to the doctor. Things start to get back to normal at the Miller Fammly Circus.

But the first day hes back home we have a small inciddent. Granfather can stand up for short perriods of time- mabye 5 seconds at a time. It was a hot day and he was lookin for a frozen Milkey Way bar in the freazer. He stood up but he was dribblin tobbaco jiuce an somehow got his chin an lowwer lip stuck to the inside of the freezer. Its NOT a frostfree and gets alot of hard white frost on it.

The old basterd was stuck there semi-hanging in a standing position for forty minoutes. He stayed frozen there because the cardboard coller sealed in all the cold air in there with him as it was about the same size as the freezer door opening. I coundnt hear his screams-I was out feeding the dogs. Finally when granftaher wrenches hisself free the wheelchair had rolled away and he falls right on his ass. He screamed bloodey murder the rest of the day.

Next comes a stock scam

I hear him on the phone with his stock broker that night yelling I WANT NETTANYAHOU. I WANT NETANYAHOU. It seems he thinks Netanyahou is a new web technollogy. Maybe it combines Netcape with Yahoo. He kept hearing the name over an over on CNN. He thinks they have stock and wants to get rich off it. BUY ME FRIGGIN Netanyhaohoo he says.

Then he steals MY idea

Granfather tells me that thinking of stocks he has a plan where hed help try to devellop and sell the Walter Miller home page as its own company. First wed sell ads and then when people find out were famous then we go public with our initial stock offering. I said HE'S CRAZY. The man doesnt even want his NAME public.