Sept 96 Update

Page 7 of 7

I put him on the phone to talk to dad an he screams he cant take granfather no more. Later me and dad an my stepmother talked about an we all agreed it was best my brother come home and I go back to Texas a few days earley.

Just as well. There was some tension at my folks house because one of my jobs while I was there was to re-papper the wallpaper in the bathroom. I didnt glue it right. Later when i was vacuming up the floor part of the paper on the wall went in the nozzel and i accidentally vacummed 2 strips of it right off the wall. Yes once again i earn my family monicker THE WHITE URKEL.

That night i overheard my folks talkin. They said somthing that hurt my feelings. They said granfather just sits in front of the TV every day wasting his life but Walter just sits infront of the Web and both Their lifes reflect it as manefestations of difforent popular cultural vehiccles. HOW COUD THEY COMPARE ME TO HIM.

The next day at breafkast I was real mad at them an then I told them why an started cryin. My stepmother said you know Walter sonetimes when people say things behin your back its not for your ears and also you shoudnt take it as harsh as it sounds.

Window of oppertunity

Dad told us that he wanted me an my brothers flights to coincide so the old creature woudnt be alone for ONE MINUTE. But the way it worked my brother hitchiked out, then cought a bus and then the first plane he coud. Then I came back. That left a 3 hour window that resulted in the self-agranzising old basterd bein the subject of page 57 of TIME Magazine.

Plus Dad had to pay for all these flights and there was even more during August if you remember my last update and all without the advance purchase so hes really taking a bath with the costs. ALL THANKS TO GRANFATHER.

Back on the old homestead..

I hate to say it but we were almost happey to see each other. Granfather never says hello he just starts with the creul insults. Its his way of sayin WELCOM BACK BOY. He began singin to the tune of Its Judy's Turn To Cry: ITS WALTERS TURN TO CRY, WALTERS TURN TO CRY-YI-YI-III. I must have a sad life an poor self esteam if Im startin to feel more at home with the gristly old basterd than with my own famly. Its a worsening of my nurturing codependency tendencey.

Yes my whole family makkes fun of me behind my back not just granfather now I know they all do. I am reminded of an inciddent a few years ago when I first saw the Sterwert Smalley skit on Saturday Nite Live. YES FOR THE FIRST 5 MINUTES I THOUHT IT WAS REAL. SO WHAT. My whole family laughed at me. So what blame me for bein a sensitive person. At least the old mean monstor does it to my face. He said to me once:
HEY BOY. WHY DID THE CODEPPENDENT CROSS THE ROAD? TO HELP THE CHICKON. HA HA HAAAH. NOW GO GET ME A BEER AND SOME SMOKES.
Yes he found that joke on the internet an doesnt even know what a codeppendant is. He just looked it up to find somthing to make fun of me about.

Boy did he laugh his ass off. As I mentoined many times granfathers got the most frighteninly hiddeous scarey laugh. It sounds like wild peccaries with rabies mating which are big nastey Texas wild boars that when they are rabid they will atack you if you dont shoot them first.

First things first: Wow did he need a bath

Not for nothing but my brother took louzy care of him. I went out in the yard to cut a new cardboard coller for him. Then I washed him with undilouted iodine sourgical scrub and a ball of SOS pads i tied together. The man was filthey. He had so much dirt behind his ears that there was 3 or 4 blades of some fresh Kentuckey blugrass that had took root right there on the side of his head which must of hapenned when bird seeds blew onto him from him bein outside. I called my dad an told him I wanted to tie the wheelchair to the car an toe him through the carwash but he said he woudnt think it woud be a good idea.

Damn Demmycrats!
Well this wraps up this update. I came home just in time for the Convention. I watched the whole thing with granfather. Texas as you know is an inportent state an granfathers had a few brushes with fame over the years. Also he was a precinct leader a few times. As its an electon year I will tease my readers to please come back toword the middle of the month for a special
Pollitical update

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