So pitifuly awful, it must be real.November can mean only one thing:
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Yup we went to the doctor. Even thuogh the whole thing was disastorrous. The problem is that Granfather's gas and crapping which was allways so bad to begin with has now taken on worse epic proportions. You can go back and read some of my earlior updates from '96 and '97 where, at that time, (as I still do) was lamenting his nasty stink. Howevor back then he smelled sweeter than a baby compaired to what hes progressed to NOW. Think about it. In all that time how ofton have I actualy wrote about him bathing? Hmmm.
Anyway the day he FINALY agreed to go to the doctor I had an inportant meeting at work that I blew off in order to take him there. It is very inportant that Granfather go to the doctor. Theres been allot of strain on his intestines and for some reason all events rellated to his digestive systam have been very stressing to him. (Theyve already been stressing to the rest of us), but the old basterd is gettin chest spasoms and pulmonery palpitations from his latest Rickter-scale craps and farts. Nobody knows why.
By the way the purpoce of the meeting was on how to inprove productivity while reducing ovorhead and costs.
"ANY-hoo, let's touch base in person," she said to me in a phonemail. She says "anyhoo" insted of "anyway," and allways on purpose, and allways draggin out the first part like this: AAAAAny hoo.
And so we sat there at lunchtime while for half the meeting i had to look at her fat ass as she stood on a stool fishing out her diet nutrition bars out from the back of the freezer. The rest of the time I had to sit there as she devoured two of them, frozon like rocks as they splintored into a million shattored jagged peices of peanuts nougat and fake chocollate coating which tumbled onto the table while she ground her teeth into them with jawbreaking gravelly crunches.
"Eating these help me stay trim!," she trilled as her tiny bowling pinlike legs dangolled beneath her off the egde of the chair, too short to reach the floor. Funny, to me, she seemed to be gettin fatter than ever since eatin these danm things. It looked like the entire floor and table were covored with 100 shards from a busted brown ceramic vase. Then with her plump little thumbs she wiped all of them up and stuffed them in her moulth crunching and chomping. It looked and sounded like sombody eatin a sack of danm rocks.
Also what the hell is the deal with 'ANY-hoo'? Why do people say this? Is it suposed to be funny? Is there a joke in there i am not getting?
Plus her face is genuineley toadlike. Its kindof sad cause she has a good heart. Like a Surinam tree toad actualy if youve ever seen one. I did once, on a nature show.
"Now, ANY -hoo, WHEL-ter," she warbled in her anoying Chigaco accent, "WHY do you need time off?"
I explianed that i had to bring the old basterd to the doctor. Then she wanted to talk abbout me, and "how i am feeling." She told me she's been readin my homepage and lately has been sencing in my writings some "latent hostillity toword the workplace" here and there, and also said in slightley more vailed words that she wasnt all that happy with my description of her.
"And, the mispellings, Whel-ter. It's been a long time. It's time to use a spellcheckor, Whel-ter."
I wasted 40 freakin minutes of my danm life that i will never get back agian listening to her screech and wail and whine and watchin her ugly warty remarkably toadlike visage munch and maw on those ugly frozon stony diet stalagtites.