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This is how Valentimes Day ends: Late that night I hear a awful gurgling hacking from granfathers room. Soon it turns into that wet scratchy phony cappochino machene noise like in those comercials, but louder, and the noise isnt purpose.
The old bastords onthe floor chokin, hes very ridgid & stiff. By now the noise is like the irrigater the dentist uses stuck on the highest setting with somone usin it to suck pudding. Its a horoble noise, hes twitching an spazzoming and i see this obstrouction way at the back of his throat so I call 911 cause hes bleedin from his nose and butt also. They say over the phone GET THE OBSTRUCTON OUT so i get needelnose plyers from my PC repair kit but cant get a grip on the thing in his throat cause its smooth & tapors to a point.
Finaly I nab it an pull hard. I thoght it was a long peice of beef jerkey at first or a twig but there was very litle give to it and not till it was fully out did I reckonize it from earlior in the day when I first saw it back in the card shop of the mall, in the corner of the store with the discuont priced holoday stuff. It was one of those scary hard moulded resin very extremly exaggeratedly skinny emaciated sad Santa Clausas populor nowdays that are about an inch in diametor but very tall. This one was 21 danm inches long. Why the hell people buy these butt ugly things for there house is beyond me. On the base was a orenge stickor that said $14.99/TAKE 50% OFF!
The old larcenous beast shoplifted it. He stayed a night in the hospitol for obsorvation. It was only Febuary but even still the Outof Pocket Maximum For the Year on his medicol insurence was reached. Then we got a letter from them sayin theyd do all they coud to drop his ass from the policy for next year.
For that reason & othors he hates guests. I am not aloud to have people over. Well I invited a geust last weekend but I planned NOT to tell the old bastord. He was suposed to be in Cancun with Hoe #1, but she bailed after finding out he cheated on her. So he asked Ho #2 to go instaed but she wont talk to him neither. He had nonrefundoble tickets.
That HURT cause he hates the sound of Mark Rusels singing voice so teribly worse than anything and once called the cable company demanding they cancel PBS and refund that part of his bill. They said YOU CANT CANCEL PBS its a regulor channel.
This Mark Rusell thing he has is incredoble. Granfather can tolorate the speakin voice but NOT the singing. The initial, perky litle introductery piano cadence makes him trembol sligtly, his lips quivor and pupils get big even if hes in a dead sleep. But when he opens his mouth to launch into a song abuot Whitewater or Ginrich he gets violant with thundoros screams of aggony, torturrous writhing, broken lamps, tongue gnawwing, busted blood vesels and giant pools of YOU DONT WANNA KNOW WHAT on the sofa and floor. Its like the lady a few years ago with the medicaly proven Mary Hart disese where she had a atack whenever she heard her voice.
My sisterinlaw and brother, (who, in that order, probly hate granfather more than any 2 people who ever lived), told the old bastord just to piss him off that they booked Mr. Russle to sing at his funoral. But I dont think they realy did.