Walter Millers Home Page Speceil Edition

Legends in the Making

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Welcome to another instalment of "Legends In The Making"--an anecdoatal colection of urban legends involving the inpact that Walter Miller's Home Page has on peoples lives ecxept some of them are rural and all of them are true.

Leggends in the Making (L.I.T.M.) first apeared in August 1996 and it was there that i explained how I got the name for it. The originol Legends are just as weird as the ones here so if you havont seen them yet by all means:

...take a look at the Originol L.I.T.M. HERE.

After reading it youll have to click BACK on your browsor to come back to this page your at now. The 1996 L.I.T.M. is 2 pages long and ends in a college paper someon wrote about me. Im happy to report that many, many othors have since wrote colege papers about me and I am regulorly studied as modern web literoture in college and highschool and even Gradaute School. (Pittiful, aint it).

Well, atcually, Im very PROUD. In fact what prompted me to write this latest issue of L.I.T.M. is the fact that i was just invitted to be the Guest speakor at a high school gradaution in Idaho. I am very shy in person so will probly submit a written statement that someone else will read. (I will write more about the Idahoe highschool gradduation in later updates as the time drawers nearer)

If you have a story of your own, please send it in by writing to me at: walter_miller@hotmail.com.

In the meantime I have ben colecting stories and aneckdotes related to the Walter Miller home page for the past year, and they begin below.

A fake Walter

I got e-mail from Califonria to Alaska from readers who tell me they heard "Walter Miller" of home page fame speaking on KRZR Rock 103 FM Radio in Fresno California. Only thing is, I never called in or visitted the station. Sombody is a fake. Can you beleieve it? I never thuoght someone woud do this. Evereyone knows the internet is a crock of bull but I guess now OTHOR MEDIA is now ALSO bein used for freudulent purposes. Not that I care: I find it very flattering and must admit it does boost my poorselfimage. If theres any other stories like this please let me know. I love to keep track of them. I am puttin togethger a scrapbook of clips and media apearances. Also, a few people from the East Coast wrote in to say that my URL was given out on a TV show as a cool site. If aneyone can remember what show please let me know.

It Snot What You think

A gradaute student in a prestigous universty in New York was reprimmanded for gettin snot on the keyboard in the computer lab. They thought mabye he was drunk or sick. But no he laughed too hard reading YES YOU GEUSSED IT and was was pollitely asked to leave.

Like most who write in, he asked i dont use his name. The item below is in a similar strand, uh, vein, rather...

More Truoble on the job

As can be expected my writing has a big folowing among Emergoncy Medical Technicians, who ofton write in from all over. One EMT in a Western state reports that he and his crew are big Walter Miller fans who surf the web during idol times at their dispatch office. Althuogh it was a boost to my poor selfesteem to hear that i do feel bad about what hapenned next:

On one ruotine call, they picked up an old patient with varrious problems (that I wont mention here), and one of the EMTs remmarked: "This has GOT to be Walter Miller's Granfather." The others started laughing uncontrolobbly, to a degree that one of the EMTs was unable to perform CPR. The patient survived but his family complained to the EMT superviser, and the guy who wrote me was suspended for 3 days with no pay.

OH BOY!!!

A womon wrote to me offerin to do YOU KNOW WHAT with me. I swear. And im not talkin about over a chat room but in person. Oh crap!

Flattored as i was I respectfuly declined. Yes VERY respectfuly, in this age of Fatol Atraction and Lorina Bobit where a womon scorned somtimes results in a man TORNED. I dont regret my descision because being a net cellebrity coud also have its downside. Its possible shes just a Net groupie. Who knows if she makes the same offers with other glitteratti like the Grape Jam actors or the guys who built the Zima site or mabye the even the people who reveiw sotfware for C|Net....Wooo! ...There it goes again: I just got another shivvering willie.

Man damages lung

Walter Miller's Homepage alredy has one confirmed death, (See the first instalment of Legends in the Making). But a gentleman in a Londen England suburb wrote to say that HE reqiured emergency treatment from laughin too hard at one of my updates. It was the March 97 update, 'Wurst Case Scenarrio'.

Once again folks: We are NOT responsoble for humor-related injureis incured from laughin too hard at this website. Plus the man who wrote to me said he was not angry, plus he was already a smoker and is quite overweihgt. Once in the ambulance, he started thinking about Granfather's similar episodes and began luaghing more.

I told granfather about it and Im sorry I did because he growled "SERVES THE OLE LIMEY RIGHT," and then for next 2 days without a break he kept screamin out that anoying British ambuolance siren sound with a cigarete tight in his teeth:

"wuuh-WAAAH-wuuh-WAAAH-wuuh-WAAAH-wuuh-WAAAH-wuuh...

When he rolls his wheelchair fast enuogh it even makes that cool Dopplor effect.

"The Ballad of Walter Miller"

A yuong man in New Jersey in a band that plays in college town bars wrote to ask my permision for him to write a song called "The Ballad Of Walter Miller." (Or mabye it was The Legend Of Walter Miller). He also said in the note that even if i didnt want the song written hed write it anyway which i thuoght was really funny: It seems using people's names in songs is not copywrightable--They say Joe Dimaggio was pissed about bein mentioned in Simon & Garfunkles Mrs. Robinson but there was nothin he coud do about it. This is one reason why im prohibbited from using Granfather's name on the web. (On the other hand, Im sure that Granfather has a few bodily noises that are patented).

Of course I said YES, go ahead and write the song. I never heard from him again and woud apreciate it if any readers in the Rutgors/Princeton area woud let me know if they ever heard the song.

New species named for Granfather

Whoo, doggie, youl hit all the triple word score tiles with this one:
Sarcomastigophora Vulgarris Patriatumwaltermillus.
Geez I hope I spelt it right. Thats the new name for a new bacteria found on this famous giant flowor that grows in Suotheast Asia that blooms once every 50 years. Instead of smelling nice like most flowers do in order to attract bees to pollonate it, this one smells like rotton meat to atract flies.

A student on Java (yes there REALY is a place) wrote to tell me he heard theres a new species of microspcopic bacteria life they found on flies who land on the flower and pick up pollen when they rub there asses on it. Aparently the scientists are regulor readers of this page and named the new bacterria Sarcomastigophora Vulgarris Patriatumwaltermillus which litoraly means somthing like 'disgiusting parasitic lowor life form resenbling Walter Miller's granfather.' That sounds koshor to me! Naming somthing for the old bastord is certanly par for somthing youd find on a fly's ass.

This email i got from Java was secondhand and unsubstatiated and Im therefour reluctant to post it but you know, what else is new arround here?