Walter Miller Homepage

Youve Been bad so heres the scoop:
Alls you get is Snowman Poop
--Note atached to a small plastic bag with 4 marshmelows in it; Granfathers gift to me, Age 5.

You been Naughtey so I heard
Your gift is this reindear turd
--Note atached to a unwrapped BabyRuth bar; Granfathers gift to me, Age 6.

Post-Holiday 1/97 update

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Ho Ho Ho: The Suckiest Christmas

Sometime each seasen near Decembor 1st but earleir each year my beastly granfather clears his througt digs his bony elbows in his whealchair armrests makes a happy mirthful string of tiny snappy egnogg farts one after another in rapid sucesion and loudly anounces to the world WELL IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS CAUSE OF ALL THEM DAMN SALAD SHOOTER COMERCIELS.

My own heartworming obsarvatons on the comencement of the season is the crop of hairballs regulorly hacked about hearth and home this time of year now have that added festive gleam of semidigested tinsel woven thru and thru...Plus the fond scene of coppious wads of encrusted gummy fruitcake nodules matted an stuck to an old mans face and chin, twinkling from tiny ants which feast upon them asthe celestiel blue lihgt from the TV in a dark room dances onthem as they swarm...And who can forget the merry sparkel of red holly berrys (both real ones an those savegely bitten off plastic wreaths in fits of joyful revilry) clinging to and peppered thruout a kindly old gent's Holoday dinner turds bobbling in the bowl the morning aftor as the early rays of pink dawn shine thru the trailer bathroum window upon a contorted grimace cryin out like a herald heard o'er hill and longshadowed dale: MY SMOKE WENT OUT DANM YOU: LIHGT ME BACK UP AND DONT LET THEM FAKE BERRIES GIT IN THE SEPTIC TANK--PICK 'EM OUT BY HAND IF YOU HAVE TO Y'HEAR ME BOY?

Yes its Christmas in rural Texas.

The plesent holiday seasens upon us and this year probly takes the cake, friutcake that is, as worst ever. In my last update i wrote that granfathors BANNED from any famly gathering ifmy brother and his wife are there. I was HOPING to go to Califonia to see my folks. But as the beasts homecare providor Im punished too an must stay with him. Ill never see my famly again on a holiday--it braeks myheart.

Unless theres a rare hapenning. Like if granfather dies or somthing.

Alls I want for Christmes

My personol fantasy for his grizley passing is for the old letch to expire most shamefuly and withuot warning in the heat of autoerrotic electrocutoin when tobaco juice and stringy snot get on the powerstrip an make a short while he lears at dirty GIFs on the worldwide web. So that when he meets his Maker at the instant of death he has the added houmiliation of still not knowin hes dead for the first few minutes and that instead of lookin up at his Creater (who he doesnt know is there) hes crouched in front of the Jugdement Throne hair and skin an eyebrows all aburnt and asmolder lookin downwerd while patting the heavenly Pearley floor with one of his gnarled bony hands while hollering WHERE'S MUH FRIKIN KEYBOARD SO'S I KIN BOOT THIS DANM THING? and while his other hand is (in a most disrespectfoul manner considoring where he is) still grippin his schween. Well I can dream cant I.

My Holoday nightmare

Yes i spent it with granfather and his diesgusting girlfrend: mother of Ed the mean bully whos only 22 which is 18 months oldor than me but insists I call him 'Uncle Edwerd' or 'Sir' or hell kick my ass. Grampy and the old wench back him up on this. Ed went back to Ft Worth in early Decembor planning to return on the 24th for a week.

I olmost woudnt mind cause his hideous mom is atcualy on bettor behavor when hes around. But when its just ME and gramps she lets it ALL HANG OUT: Litoraly.

IF YOUR EATIN FOOD PUT IT DOWN NOW.

I said she eats choclate cookys all day. It makes a black crusty grime on her mouth in ghastly contrast with her powdory bleach white face. Black crud gets on the phone and her MANY faceil crevices plus coats the white downy fur on her chin. Then it drys. You wanto vomit lookin at her