Walter Miller Homepage

We put the "anal" in 'literary analogy'

Suposed to be The Late June (but realy in July) 98 Update

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You know, just for once I was hopeing to begin an update without an appollogy. But I can alwayes dream, cant I? First, I am sorrey about this update being so late. Many of you wrote to tell me this, and I apreciate your concern. The fact is I was traveling, and also we had allot of powor shorteges. It is extremly hot in Texas lately and our small trailer is burning out allot of fuses. Plus Granfather has ben particuolorly troubelsome lately. Many people forget that i am a real person living a real life, who has real probblems.

Please try to undorstand me in this diffocult time in my life. Next time I am late with an update, perhapps you may wish to re-read an old classic eppisode during the time i am getting my pittiful life togethor. (This is what peoplle do with television, dammit. Why shoud I, withuot a profit and a staff of one, be expectad to produce new content all the time?)

OK, I am ranting and raiving. And so i ask you to please forgive me. The fact is, I rely on my readors. It is your lettors and kind words that boost my poorselfimage. Also I am just getting to the point that I am starting to be ovorwhelmed with fan mail. If youve writtan to me in the past month, and have not received a personol reply, please try agian.

Secondly: A technicol Apollogy

This apology pertains only to Netscape users. Non-netscape usors may want to scroll down to the next paragrapgh. Or, if you delight in gloating in the missfortunes of othors, then by all means keep readding.

Atention Netscape Usors: You may of alreaddy noticed a few problems running my last Update in Netscape -- both in the PC or Mac versions. This is becuase Geocities, the people who host my pages have just begun placing a small transparent Geocites logo in the bottom cornor of the screen, (like the Fox network does on TV...Blatent new media copycats). Well anyway when this logo runs in Netscape, it may cause my pages (any Geocites pages) to be REAL slow. Dont boot out! -- instead try this: If your using Netscape, and it is slow, just wait untill the whole text of the page has loaded, includding the blue hypertext prompt at the bottom. Even if the "N" in the upper right of the screen is still swishing, (to indicate the page is loadding), merely click "STOP" on the upper toolbar. It may still say in the lower left, "89% done" or "91% done", or whatevor. But dont worry. As long as you see the blue hypertext at the bottom of my page, well, then, Ahem, that is all that mattors. Many of my readors wrote to Geociteis to ask them to remove the logo. Othors have wrote to Netscape tellin them to fix the danm bug. In fact by the time you read this, it may alreaddy be fixed.

IF YOU USE THE MICROSOFT EXPLOROR BROWSOR:

You shoud not be having any probblems. Welcome to the Collective. We are Borg. Netscape holdouts will be asimmilated. Resistence is futile. Watch for us to soon be installed on your toaster, TV and tellephone. Get used to it, drones.

IF YOU USE ANY OTHOR BROWSOR: Get a life. You probly also drink Royal Crown Cola, prefer OS/2, and still have a Betamax and surely also belong to that weird Ross Perot party. OK I am just kidding. That was rude, condecsending, and haughtey of me to say. Many of the smaller browsers run great. In fact, only Netscape is havin the problem. I hapan to be a big fan of Netcsape. And Linix, and Opera.

The second-toughest words I have evor said.

The second most dificult words Ive ever said in my whole life are these: "My danm website atcualy runs best in Microsoft Explorer." (Not that I am getting any money from Micrasoft, because i am not. Wealthy world-conqeuring bastords.)

It kills me to say it, but it just hapens to be the truth. Oh well. Just remembor: I AM the biggest liar on the internet, you knoew.

By the way in case you are currious, the MOST diffocult words Ive evor said in my life was when a therapist forced me to say out loud in a family counciling session: "Granfather, I love you."

The abbusive old reptile luaghed his skinny evil ass off so hard for whole full week he actualy broke a friggin rib.

Next: A big congrattulations

In my last update I asked if any of my readors coud identify the parting phraise of Granfather's girlfreind when she broke up with the bastord. I knew it was from a work of literatoure, but I coudnt remembor which one. Many peopel wrote in to corectly say that it was Spotted Horses by Willaim Faulkner, but Greg Roggeman of Wisconsin geussed it first. Literaly, seconds later, Danny Hill of Arkansaw wrote in, also with the corect responce, and so he too also gets a speciel mention.

Oddley, of the 100 or so corect answers I got, four were from the Peopls Republic of China. One man wrote to say that Faulknor is poppulor in China. Also, Mr. Roggeman acceses my page by using a speech synthesizor. I can only immagine how my horiffic mispellings and Granfather's savage animol screaming in all capitol letters must sound like. My geuss is probly pretty danm awful.

Speaking of being poppulor in a anothor country

Ive been gettin allot of freindly e-mail from young females in Sweden. Thats because i was recently featured in a magazine there called Vecko Revyn which means "Weekly Reveiw." And yes, it was a favorrable article and mentioned how my website is so well liked. (Ecxept for ME, who has to live in it.)

Many thanks to Karin from Sweden, who translatted part of the articol for me, and who tells me that Vecko Revyn is a publication geared to Sweddish womon aged 15 to 25. Whooooo! Thats fine with me! (Just my luck that they all have to live so far away. Oh well.)

And now for the Update of my pittiful life.

Granfather as you know had gotton himself stuck, purpocely stuck. He slathored up his narrow width, smallbrained two-liter-soda-pop-bottol-sized head with Crisco and stuck it between the ballisters of the wrouhgt iron fence in front of our County Building. He stayed there over 24 hours before being freed. It was a stunt you might expect from eithor a very stupid child or perhaps a smart animal. The whole purpoce of it was to elicit sympathey from people in our area and also to embarass the County Clerk, who the bastord hates.

As you also know, I too suffored a Crisco incodent of my own, from which my fragile ego is now strouggling to recover.

It hapenned while on my job, the flegdling new media company that I refer to as Cyberblop.