Walter Miller Homepage

Is it just me, or do you smell something?

August '96 Update

Page 1 of 7

Hes BA-A-A-ACk!!!!

Yes i know youve been waiting a long time- so its a bigger monthley update than usual.

Yes the old monster is home.

He was AWOL 3 days. Its taken me a while to get the website up though. Right now Im in California with my dad and stepmom.

While granfather was on the lamb, some readers of this web site sent in their sightings of him. There were 3 in texas and one in Oklohoma but I dont think he made it that far. Also my story's ben picked up recently in the july Lollipop Magazine from Boston, one of the PC Magazine online reveiws and also Texas Monthly magazine as one of the 100 best websites in texas. HELL THIS IS THE BEST DANM WEBSITE IN TEXAS OR ANYWHERE.

Many thanks for your help in tracking the truant brute. Its been a tromatic time for my family. Right now there all mad at me. Ill try to reccount the story as non-biased as I can. The facts were colected at diferent times. The delay in the update is due to the time it took to peice it together chronologicly. Heres the sequents of events:

First he excapes

As i wrote, granftaher left about 3 AM. The first thing I did was call the sheriff and then my Dad in California. And youd think my dad woud take my side but hes all pissed and said ITS YOUR FAULT WALTER. Dad says that granfather should never pull himself out of the wheelchair by himself-he coud break his hip. Also his boney legs need to be masagged 2 times a day for blood corculation. Worst of all in summer he normaly wears no trowsers, only a Deppends diaper-FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE.

Granfather often complains to my family behind my back that I treat him mean. ITS A LIE. Also my dad says Im a bad home care helper cause of the times he fell under the sink and once he got his lip stuck on the freezer. Dad said i must of did something to piss off granfather to make him leave and if he got hurt while he was gone my ass was grass.

But its NOT my fault!

wE HAD A BIG FIGHT and I slammed the phone down. Two minutes later I called back. I was cryin but heard my dad yell in the bachground that I was iressponsible in all aspects of my life. Do you know when you start cryin and you cant get enough air and start hyporventalating well I started to do that but mostly because I was MAD,

I kicked the desk but not on the flat part where i wanted to but on the leg part VERY HARD. Two toes got broken and it really hurt- While i was in pain dad got on the phone to blame me more. I told my dad F.U! and hung up. To say F.U.! to anyone is bad but when you say it to your father its teribble. When my footstopped throbbing I called to oppologize. He was still mad but more mad about granfather escaping.

The White Urkel

Dad called me 'the White Urkle'. My whole family calls me that. Mostly granfather, becuase Im always messing things up. Granfather made up the name.

Then my stepmouther got on the extention phone. She does a good job calming evoryone down. She said to call later cause it was very early there. I felt realy bad I said FU!!! to my Dad. Doyou know when you did something bad and you really want the other person to forgive you. Then you feel bad when you cant find him to say IM SORRY.

Nobody Knoes The Trouble ive seen

But dad doesnt know that when granfather gets himself in trouble when Im not there its because I was sent off to do something to leave him unsuppervised. Im doing OTHER STUFF when this happens, like feeding the dogs or shopping or digging some collectible out of one of the sheds that granfather desperotely needs to see to make sure that no one stole it. Sometines it takes me hours to find it.

One day last summer he wanted me to find a rusty antique leeching pan he hid in the barn 17 years ago. The man has a memory like Einstine. It was right where he put it but it took me 3 hours of moving and digging throu piles of junky crap, old tools and bottles, toilet fixures, car fenders and broken appliances to retrieve it for him.

Well, while I was in there for 3 hours, granfather was on the other side of the property and he accidently rolled over the cesspool and the wheelchair sank in brown muck up to his waist. He was there for an hour and actually fell asleep. (Lets just say that the cesspool ended up smelling worse, rather than the other way around).

CONTINUED: FEED THEM DOGS, BOY!