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Ed held his thumb down on the hose to make a strong sprey on granfathers waxy crusted scragly nakad body. I went inside to get the powdored artilery soap & wire brush. What the hell the old basterd did needed a cleaning before the trip anyway and it isnt always easy to get him to submit to a good hose down.
One thing Ed was doin that WASNT good was making a flying ribbon of wator, you know when you wiggle & snap the hose like a whip makin a loop of water sail thru the air. Granps and the pitbull tremboled with joy at the game and sprang up leaping 5 feet in the air from an all fours crouch to bite and gulp it. The snapping of jaws togethor sounded like 2 rocks.
The cold water went off first and the old bitch scaulded her ass and fluffy thighs and you know what? I dont give a good danm. If you ever saw a Puffa-Lumps stuffed animol: Well thats her baggy ass.
Ed heard the screams and ran inside. The biday (prononced "bid-DAY") is a Europaen invention. I never heard of it till we got ours. Acording to the plumbor were the first famly in our county to have a BIDAY.
It took 4 rescue workors to slowly, delicatly negotiate the stretcher out with her sprawled on her belly on top ofit and them beneath, all 4 grunting & straining undor the crushing wieght, as they hauled her bobbly corpulant carcass out ofthe trailer onto our tiny splintery rickety wood porch.
The stretcher sagged and shuddered, as if they, like jugglers, were tryin to balence upright a wobbly 50 ton pile of white pudding on a slab of formica veneer only an eigth-inch thick that wavored & buckled from the giant mass, and finaly pitched foward, rumbling downword onto the spindly and even more ricketty wood porch steps that creaked and groaned under the enourmous pulsating tonnage of the lumberous elephentine load.
Uh, yeah, she had one of those orange beehive hairdos common to low class women in the lower part of the Centrol Time Zone that you cant even get a diamand tip drill thru if you wanted to. I woudnt be suprised if a family of prarie dogs lived inside it.
She never had but 1 hair bumped out of place yet I later relized that beehive must of hit the screendoor at some point cause of a big deep torpedo-size dent in the metal.
Granfather stayed inthe hospitol overnite. The next day when he came home his torso was wrapped in white tape with a cathator stickin out & a plastic shunt draining the wound. He also had a big black eye: The girlfrend explaned it was a inocent misundorstanding resultin from granfather bein falsely acused of placing his hand somwhere on a nurse he wasnt suposed to. A few hours after that they drove us to the airport.
All of the going up & down with the air presurization made problems with his lung so his sore never stopped leaking the entire trip. Dribbly smelly stuff came out the cathetor the whole time all on his clothes & the seats. At one point the danm shunt tube had friggin Cheese Wiz comin out of it.
His legs felt good enuogh to walk so we checked his colapsible wheelchair as lugage. But he kept tryin to lick & bite his new incision, so the cardbord animal coller stayed on. This was a pain in the ass for people behind him who paid for the in-flight movie but there was nothin they coud do about it. Anyway its good they didnt see the movie cause it was a Jack Lemon movie. Granfather always makes these neurotic jerky exagerated face spasms everytime he sees Jack Lemon. He thinks its funny. But if your a strangor sittin next to him on a plane it looks prety danm deranged.