Walter Miller's Homepage

Still hoping to make it to TV

April 1999 Update

Page 1 of 6


I am back from Sabbatticcol

Well if it is June, it must be time for the late March update. In order to compromise I have decidded to call this the April 1999 update. Allot has hapened in the past few months. I was unabble to do my updates for a while. I was in the hospitol but I am much better now.

It was only for 30 days observattion that coud of been extended to 120 howevor after only 30 they were tired of observing me and so they said I coud go home. Yes i have been told by those who know me that while I somtimes make an interresting read, there is realy not much to look at and aftor you observe me for mabye an hour or so theres nothin new.

Now my dad is fightin with the insurrence company about who will pay cause the insurence I had at my job payed for only som of it. Its a huge mess and now my whole family is mad at me agian.

It is all very embbarasing. Please dont mak me talk abbout my hospittollization any more because it is diffocult to talk about.

Also:

I APPOLLOGIZE THAT I HAVENT BEN ABLE TO ANSWOR MY E-MAIL.

You know its amazing: The worse I get, the more peoplle read me. I get so much mail i cannot answor it all. Althuogh I do apreaciate your kind words of encurragement.

Also: my other two phisicol problems have ben taken care of

In pryor updates I wrote about the effect that an awfull British-Style preservative-free lamb sausage that I ate in a tired old restarant had on my stomoch. I am no longor suferrin from that problem. Also, there was a teribble "withdrawn" situation, an unspeakoble mattor which if you are a male you know what I am talking about. In case you arent, 'Withdrauwn' is the next step up (or shoud I say the next step "in" from 'Shrinkage'.) That problom has been corected. I am too humiliated to discuss it right now. Perhapps in an upcoming update, but not this one. The wounds on my psysche and bruise on my fragille ego are too much as of this writting.

Very well then. What then shoud I write about in this update? I think you know.

The Old Basterd.

In any case you may be pleased to know that Granfather is no longer sufforing with the giant posterrior grout invasion. In this update I will write abbout the events leading upto him alowwing the thing to come out his ass.

As you know from prior updattes a giant asault took place when Granfather's two elderly brothors atacked him. They pinned him down and treid to kill him by means of a forcible enema not of air or water but of bathroom tile cement also knoewn as grout.

Any normal human woud of died in the assault but not Granps. He survived and there was an extended perriod of time where half of a 55-gallen drum full of soft grout was, by use of a new, experimentol bowel cleansing system that works on air pressurre, adminstrated up his ass. The grout winded itself up his intestines which have been held hostage now by all the grout.

The othor half of the drum

The othor half of gluey grout, hanging out of the entrence to his ass became a gluey plug, in the size and shaipe of half the steel drum, and was protrudding from the old basterd, and since the air was hittin it, this portion dryed first into a wad of cement. Which Granfather pronnounces in his illitterate rural twang as "SEEment."

It was a big friggin mess.

Later the rest of the soft goo (the part inside him) hardenned as well.

You probly think i am makin this stuff up, but I am not. It is all true. Yes I know. Its disgousting. He's disguosting. I apolloggize. In any case: The shreiking screaming old basterd is now free and crapping freely.

And that is not even the gross part

The worst part abbout it is that Granfather actualy refused to have the thing removed. His brothors live on the East coast and he wanted them extradited and broght to Texas to stand trial for atempted murder, and he wants the thing to stay in his ass as evidence. I tell you not even those freelance bountey hunters beleive the story and no one has made any atempt to capture Uncle Zeke and Uncle Willaim, the 2 peoplle who did it to Granfather.

Once more: A big appollogy.

This time I am once agian apologgizing for being late with this update. I actualy got out of the hospitle about 2 weeks ago. Yes, I know, I coud of been working on my home page updates, but I was not. My job has been very busy. Granfather has been consumming allot of atenttion now that he is free from being weighed down. Also, this website has had to layoff two more Walters and so there are only two of us left. Yes its hard to belive but a little over a year ago when the prommise of fame and fortune beckonned this humble website there were 6 Walters workin on this website. Two of the Walters left (but that is OK becuase one of them was a real jerk.)

Well now two more of them left and there is only just me and this other Walter Miller crankin out this crap. And we are the two that dont even realy get along that well. (Plus I just found out he has better stock opptions than me).

Such is the predictabole path of events for happless Internet startups like us, pining year aftor year in desporration for either a buyer, profit, or an IPO that nevor comes. I know I am speakking cripticaly. But those of you in the internet industry know what I am talkin about.

Also, as far as how my job is going:

Folks, a word of advice: do not ever go into the hospitol for 30 days obsorvation, or 30 days of anything. Becuase whether your dad or your job payes for it there will be plentey of pissed peoplle in your wake. It seems that Cyberblop, the new media company I work for, was all set to fire me. But then I had my hospittolization, (the reason for which, still, it is too painfull to talk about), and becuase of the hospital stay I am considerred disabled and so they can NOT let me go as they thought.

Secondly, they had to hire a temp to do my job when I was away. Suposedly the temp was allot better than me, and becuase of hiring restrictions, they cannot hire her. Thirdley, they had to also pay me disabillity in my absence. And finaly they had to take me back at the end when they truly wanted to fire me.

My first day back

"Strictly off the record," said this pompous-ass Personell guy at Cyberblop on my first day back, "We had realy hoped to disintermediate you," (Evereyone at this place loves to use big internet industry terms. He does not even know what the hell "disintermediation" means.)

Then he asked me, (in a tone that i feel was much too haughtey), "Young man, when are you going to get your act togethor, because the whole world is NOT responsible for your personal problems, at home and at work? Or do you think its society's problem?"

I sort of shuffoled in my chair a little and the only thing I coud think of to say was, "Well, to qoute Mrs. Clinton, 'It takes a village'."

Boy that pissed him off and he said somthing like, "No, it takes a village idiot, and that is YOU young Mr. Miller," plus he said some othor condescending stuff but i didnt catch all he said.

Going back to work was a bitch.

To make mattors worse, it was on very short notice that I went to the hospitol, and I had caused allot of probloms on the NT system beffore I left, plus I shoud of told people where my files and passwords were while I was away, and so i did not. There is nothin more painfull than walking the big long aisle back to my cubicol aftor that long absence. Do you know the scene in "An Oficer and a Gentelman" when Richard Gear is carrying Debra Winger down the aisle of the factory out the door to a crowd full of cheers? Just immagine sort of the oposite of that. Like perhapps the scene insted from "Bad Boys" of Sean Pen walkin up the aisle of the bad boy prison on his first day.

Next, a bombshell

One thing they like to do at Cyberblop is insert difforent layers of management in between the existing structoure. Mabye it is an ego thing so peoplle can have allot of cool titles and also departments repporting to them. But the net result is that theres allways yet anothor link in the chain of command that you have to explain things to.

When I came back to work, my Boss had a new Boss. Do you remmember me writting about this anoying little toad faced woman who was my boss at one time and then they fired her? The codependent super anoying nosy buttinsky who allways injects herself into my life?
WELL GEUSS WHAT.
She is back, and now at a higher sallary and better title. She is now my new Boss's Boss. Yes this place nevor ceaces to amaze me.

I was sittin at my cube and I coud see her small warty face aproaching in my convex rear veiw mirror that was mounted on my monitor, (somthing that is a must when you are playin Prince Of Persia at work and you dont want no one to know).

Seeing her face at first, I thoght it was a bad halucinnation. But then there she was a minute lator waddling up on her little stumpy legs patting me on the shouldor and chirping "HelLOOO, You!" at me in her anoying perky voice.

Then she started whisperring really loud RIGHT in my face. She is so danm anoying and she whispors as loud as she talks. She was tellin me that me and her are goingto be working togethor agian, but that becuase she has a highor title, "We cannot be close freinds like two peas in a pod like before."

Well let me tell you we were NEVOR close freinds. Two peas in a pod my ass. There are onley a few things in life that get me this mad and she is one of them. Mabye its is because in her own way she is as codeppendedent and freindless and emottionally needy as me. Then she started rubbin my danm arm with her squat little toadlike hand. Codependent little nag. OK i am gointo stop writting about my job for a while.

More about the Reppulsive sujbect you came to read about: GRANFATHER.