Walter Miller's Homepage

...But is is art?

The Late March 1998 Update

Page 1 of 7


Spring has sprung

We are now into that breif and quikley disapearing season between the intolorable rainy cold winter and the unbearable 10 month long summer. (Yes where WE live, you wanna hope that when Spring comes, youre lucky enuogh that it falls on a weekend.)

On this beutiful day, as i sit on our splintery wood porch with my laptop, Granfather is inside the trailor being examined by our guests, the three cryptozoology researchers. As you may of guessed my grisly ancestor is still going thruogh his 'peculoir time of the year' where he needs to attack and eat small animols like mice, birds and frogs. It has been a great help to have that large plastic scarecrow owl from the Home & Garden center atached to the uppor back part of his head these last few weeks, becuase it does suficiently frighten away most small creatoures who get too close to the old basterd. It is quite ammazing, because normally when you have one of these plastic owls in your gardon to scare away crows and mice, you have to keep moving it as to keep the pests on guard who might get used to it being in one spot. But in the case of a mobile monster i must say that the entire yard has realy been quite free of small beasts; (SMALL beasts, i emphasise; not big scary ones like him).

For those of you just tuning in to Walter Miller's Home Page (I get new readors all the time), please undorstand that my Granfather with whom i live and take care of, is not fully human. Whether he is extraterrestriol, or perhaps some sort of homo sapeins-animal hybred, we do not know.

This is not somthing we just discovored, either.

A charcole drawing of Granfather as an adolesent apearred in a late 1940s book (now out of print and banned in Tennessee) that I think the name of it was "Our Ape-Like Ancestors."

But what is new is his increassingly bad and non-human behavvior. More than one reador wrote in responce to my last update, and sugested that he is sufering from Lycanthropy, or perhapps a lycantroppic disorder. (Sort of a Wolf Man delusion). I thank you for your sugestions but first of all, I am the one suffering, not him; abd sedondley, the visiting criptozoollogists have ruled out lycanthropy a long time ago.

While Granfather does exhibit many dog-like qualities, and while also he may of dated a wolf-man-like woman once, (I remember her: YUCK), the bastord's DNA has no canine attributes and insteadd is a combination of these four nucleic acid groups: Human, Reptilian, Primate, and Unknown.

Also Granfather is not a carbon based life-form. Just based on how his ass smells alone he is probley a sulfur based life form. Possibly sulfour which has gone rancid too.

They are studying him right now

As i write, Granfather is inside the trailer with the cryptozoollogists. They come by everry few weeks or so to poke and prod the beast and if they are in a masochistic mood, (based on what hapenns after they do it), to shine flashlihgts up his butt. They are from a university and study the bastord as part of a govorment grant. Granfather is paid $100 a day for submiting to the exammination -- (a far cry from the $3.50 he earned a half centurey ago for the rights to show a picture of him in "Our Ape-Like Ancestors.")

Right now I dont know exactly what is going on in there, but from the sound I can tell you that he and the scientists are all in the bathroom, one of the cryptozoo men is vomitting, another is weeping, and anothor is delerriously shouting "WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT?!!".

Meanwhile, Granfather is snickering with glee. He must of just done somthing extremmly disgusting. You know, i used to feel sorry for these sceintists, but latly i am beggining to feel that they bring there problems onto themselfs.

More problems for me.

I had wrote about that girl Cathyann who was my former babysitter (from when I was a kid) and who I went out on that blind date with last month. Well me and her are hanging out and have become good freinds. The only problom is that somtimes she gets a little, shall we say frisky, if we are hanging out too long. It is very strange.

It is not rommantic, we are just friends.

This is what we both descidded on, because we are both not atracted to each other in a romantic way. Whenevor we hang out she does like 90% of the talking and much of that is constructive critticism of me. This involves how I have to be more of a man and stand up for myself. Also how I have to be less shy and more mature and overcome my emotionol problems and poor selfesteem. Cathy has this deep Texas twang and a husky smoker's voice like there is a bran muffin coght in her throaght which gets on my nerves after a few hours of her rambling monotone and reppetitive "constructive criticism" especialy when she tells me that I need reassurance and nurturing and also 'kissing lessons' which i really DO NOT like to do. (Like I said we bolth agree we are JUST FREINDS and are NOT atracted to one annothor). Dont get me wrong, I like her company. But somtimes she is so pushy that i let her kiss me a little. It is allways disgousting and she is NOT alowed to use that danm tounge. (In a prior update I TOLD you about the tongue.)

I know its pittiful.

Why, do you ask, do i hang arround with her? And put up with her endless husky criticissms? And her loud flappy laugh and also smoky kisses i do not want? Well i will tell you. This is not an excuse but just an explannation. Yes, a pittiful explanation. Where I live is a small town and a remote area of a remote county. Plus I am lonesome. Also i have a poorselfimage problem and a low self esteam. Yes it is sick I know.

I dont know what the hell my problom is

I just cannot be in a rellationship with anyone without it being in some way abbusive or else very weird.

Well the othor day somthing bad hapenned.

It involves a visit Cathyann made ovor our house. It hapenned in my room. I am not sure if i want to write abbout it or not. Mabye i will and maybe i wont. Let me see how I feel and I might write about it later in this update. But for right now I cannot even think abbout it. On the one hand i do not want to lose her freindship. On the othor i do not want to gain any more TOUNGUE.

Back to Granfather. And also probllems at my danm job.