Walter Miller's Homepage
Endurring, thriving, and growing on the Internet like a festorring cancer since 1995
Late Augost/Early Septembor 1998 Update
Page 1 of 8
I geuss I shoud start this update with an appollogy for being late, howevor I probly dont need to as you surely already know i am sorry. In any case I have more problems to worrey abbout.
I get in truoble at work
I am called into the office of my former boss, (who is now my boss's boss, and therefour technicaly still my boss, but not my direct boss). My current direct boss as you know is this perkey talkative pain in the ass woman who means well, but whose nosy job it is to destroy my life. Her boss, (my old Boss and my curent Boss's boss) is this guy we call The Nose Picker.
The Nosepickor is this young guy who is like 28 years old but he just got prommoted to Vice President which, parden me, is much too young to be a Vicepresident. Lets just say this guy is no Al Gore.
It has gone to his danm headHe is always up on his high horse abbout how inportant he is. He had called me in the office just to yell at me. Let me tell you this guy can screamm. Every hair on my ass was allmost scalded off.
This was the last thing I neededLet me back up for a moment here: It had ben a very rough week for me beccuase of problems at home with Granfather. The night beffore this big chewing out session at work with the Nose Picker, me and Granps had a giant fight. It had to do with the old basterd's personol habits which were begginning to do some real damage. Not life threatening damage, but dammage insted to a minor and rarely used, small vestigal bodily organ: His danm brain.
A change in internet Options
Granfather's brain is tiny and withored to begin with, much like a peice
of dryed fruit that gets hard and chewy after gettin soft and rotton but beffore finaly going bad. It is for this reasen that, (on the advice of the old basterd's doctor), I turned PICTURES OFF on his web browsor. I am no prude but beleive me reppeated exposure to Internet pornographgy will indeed softon your brain. I know this beccuase I have seen it. (Um, not the porn but the brain).
Cought in the actGet your mind out of the guttor. I was coght turnin his PICTURES OFF. I had originally treid to sneak onto his computor to do it, but stuppid Microsoft Internet Exploror 4.0 (in case you havent noticed), buries the PICTURES OFF function way undor "Advanced Features" while version 3.0 has it right on the first pulldown menu. As if only advanced people are smart enuogh to turn off the danm images.
Granfathor coght me turning PICTURES OFF and started holloring his wrinkoled old ass off at me.
Why I had to do itThis is enbarasing for me to admitt, but acording to a study done by the sceintists who study the old basterd as well as his online usage, Granfather's motor skills and mentol comprahension have been in a deep decline in direct propportion to the number of Monica Louwinsky porn sites on the web, and Granfather's compulsion to visit them all. The doctor said that anothor 100 or so hours of his lookin at them will reduce him to a drooling useless iddiot. (In contrast, say, to his curent status as a spitting purpocely cruel iddiot).
OK, enuogh about Granfather for now -- This is what hapenned on my job:And this is why they were so mad at me: I screwed up by acidentaly shipping some files from the lan to the Live Web server. Anyone coud of done it but on this day it hapened to be me. My boss's boss, the Nose Picker calls me in to meet with him alone, but the way he did it, he called me in in front of the WHOLE deppartment. We all sit in cubicols and he gets to have an office with a door. So, infront of EVEYONE he made a big flammbouyant gesture of shutting the door of his office realy loud. I coud hear all the peoplle outside in the cubicols say in a luaghing mocking way, "OOOOH!"
First: The canned biographicol IntroductionWhen we were all alone he starts in with ten minnutes of his pontifficol condescending pattronizing tone of supperiority on how great he is. (Of course, while pickin his nose the whole time). Yes, a whole ten minute speech on his qualiffications from a Boy Genious IQ score at age 8 to his learning to write his own code at age 12 to hacking into his school servor at 14, to his first danm Directership at age 20. Like who gives a danm crap.
It is the same canned speech he gives at Internet conferrences to introduce himself. It is also how all his danm lectures start, when you are called into his office as a result of gettin in troubble, (in my case, for shipping files to the Live Web server.) In fact this is how ALL convorsations with the Nosepickor starts. In fact he canot even tell you what time it is withuot this canned speech on how great he is, and how the danm Internet never woud of been, without HIM. (As if anyone even cares: You know i didnt).