Walter Miller Homepage
Grampa always says: DONT BELEIVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET
oTCOBER 1996 uPDATE
Page 1 of 7
Marking One Year Of Abuseive Relationship Therapy
Late Sept. 1996 marks one year my home page has been up. And you my fans have made it a sucess. In no time after i put up a counter on it in Augost I had thousands of hits. OK, OK, OK some of these hits are my grandfather reloading the same page. I cought him trying to lean a heavy book on the reload key to pad the results of hits. I said GRANFATHER THATS CHEATING. And he said to me WHAT THE HELL it woudnt be the first time someone lied about all the hits he got.
Please help Walter Miller:
Besides i probly have even MORE hits than I think cause most people have my update page on their hotlist rather than the main hompage. Who the hell knows. Whats important is, that the more people who visit this website and read my story, the better my selfesteam therappy improves. Granfather thuoght up a tagline for spreadin the Walter Miller's Home Page saga: Instead of Share the Magic its Share The Tragic. Also another one he made up: GETTIN TO KNOW GRANFATHER IS INFECTIOUS. But I wont use that one.
TELL ALL YOUR FREINDS TO VISIT MY PAGE
New Good reviews of this Site
...are found at the end of this page below the link to Page 2. IM SORRY i know its narsocyctic and braggodocious of me to share them. But as you know i have a poorselfimage with needs for aprouval and recognition. AND THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY MANY EMMOTIONAL PROBLEMS.
"Watch this spot in the future"
The above is what the doctor usualy asks me to do for any boil on granfathers ass that changes color or shape or begins to pulsate. But it also applys to future changes for ME. Yes thanks to all the interest in this website theres BIG PLANS in store for the story of my life with alot of people intrested in it but I cant discuss it yet. Lets just say that my old beastly ancestor is spendin the dough alredy even thuogh we dont have none yet.
The discousting Bon Vivant
No more cheap stogies: Granfather smokes fancy Upman cigars now. Once a week I drive him to Jourez, Mex. to buy Cuban smokes too. And when the butts and stumps cool down he eats them with a twist of lemon. He wheels around the trailor all day wearin a french beret and a silk ascot slurping from a brandey sniftor that he swirls around in his palm this concocktion of two parts vokda and 3 parts Ensure Adult Liquod Noutritional Supplemant.
Also cause now he thinks hes a bigshot he calls me by my initials: HEY, W.M., GET ME MY SMOKES. HEY W.M., PUT THE GOOF TROOP ON THE TUBE. Sonetimes the mean basterd calls me L.W. for 'little wussey' or Z.F. for 'zit face'. Its a giant brandy Sniftor and on the side it says: John F Keneddy High School 1972 Senior Prom and on the other side it says WEVE ONLY JUST BEGUN. He found it a yard sale last year selling for a quarter an they woudnt go down to his final offer of a dime. So the old basterd stole it.
Granfathers new faverite drink gives him some real nasty gas. After he uses the toilat the fumes are so toxic it'll melt bathroom grout an youd better watch that no tiles slide off the wall an hit you in the head. YES his bowels are moving again. The full storey is later in this update.
Update CONTINUED: Grampa's a pundit
Recent Reveiws of Walter Miller's Home Page
Walter Miller is a seriously hot property on the Web.
PC Magazine Online
"...nearly peeing with laughter--I thought it must be an amazing scam; NOBODY could be this loathsome. Perhaps Walter is a totally original comic genius. I just don't know. (He could be a comic genius and *still* be mentally ill.)
-- Brian Winter,
Finity's End - Writers, Links to Other Writers
This is it: the single best website in the western world. Walter Miller has been compared to Mark Twain and Douglas Copeland, though his writing is closer to a trailer park Hunter Thompson. This on-going, uncensored story of a pathetic loser geek and his abusive mutant grandfather is the Great American Novel at the closing of the 20th century. Face it Beavis, the world's a junkyard and we're a nation of Walter Millers. Is it real? Who cares? This is gonzo dystopianism at its finest.
One of the "100 Best Websites In Texas" (ranked number 45, actualy!)
-- Texas Monthly Magazine