Walter Miller Homepage

A true story inspired by fictional events

June 1997 Update

Page 1 of 4


I am a big giant stupid Jerk

yes and also i am not speakin to my Dad (or my stepmom) because we had a huge fight. They made me volunteer to take Granfather and his old girlfreind to Branson next month for vacatoin. I do not want to go. Actualy they didnt realy talk me into it I sugested it cause the old bastord (granfather) had kept pestering me about it and then I stupidley brought it up when my folks came to visit. Then, like a jerk, I vollunteared. But I should of known bettor and THEY shoud of stopped me. I am very easy to manippoulate it seems. More about the (proposed and supposed) trip to Branson in a later update, and how I plan on GETTIN OUT OF DOING IT: Because mabye THEY should go because I SURE AS HELL ARE NOT.

Things are gettin back to abmormol

I want to thank everyone for hangin in there while my website was down. Also I want to thank Prodigy for gettin it done for me: They are the worlds best and coolest ISP. I will now oficially stop wailing an cryin about it. There are other things worth bitchin about. Namely, GRANFATHER. All is back to nornal (or shoud I say ABNORMOL here in my abusive life of hell with the old mean creature). Plus I want to acknolegde Ginny in New Jersey who indeed came very close to being the olny person in North America to corectly guess "Granfather's Only Fear", (by deadline time she'd sugested household appliances like the can opener, and the hair dryor--and was very, VERY close to guessing the right answor: The vacume cleaner). Here's a big CONCRADULATINS to Ginny.

2 Magazines

Also Fat Bob in Ohio pointed out that I was wrote about in TWO magozines that came out the same day--the back page of PC Magazine and also the extremmely hip The Web magazine. Also Internet Underground wrote to say they'd include me in their July August issue. Thank you all i am greatley and deepley honnored. All of this means so much to me.

My folks visit

Now that their gone, I was glad they visited. We fought alot when they were here, but i know deep down they love me. It is very hard thuogh, because i am going throug allot living with Granfather. He is mean and abusive and what makes it worse is that hes ALWAYS on his best behaivore when my folks come to see us. Then its hard for me to be taken seruiously by them when I complain. When my folks are here, There is no loud farting. Theres no intentionol crapping on the floor suposedly "by mistake" or blowing his nose in the shower curtian or bedsheets. There is no spitting of tobacco juice at the fuse box to cause sparks. There is no licking ice off of the dehumidifier coils or scraiping it off with his teeth while holding the blender beneath him in his knees to colect the frozen shavings to make margoritas. There is no consumption of raw shellfish or raw eggs in shells or any atempts at Guiness records.

Granfather doesnt even raise his voice when Peter Jenings is on, and the old bich girlfreind moves out and stays in the motel in town when she knows my dad is comin over.

My dad and brothor and my sisterinlaw come down hard on me and come out and tell me: WALTER: YOUR A LIAR. Meanwhile my dad and brother deepdown KNOW how bad the old beast is--they just wont admit it. At least not anymore because theyre just enbarased because people at their jobs razz them about our family thanks to my website. My brother stopped speakin to me since Thangksgiving. But my stepmom is much more cooler. She understands that I have needs. I am very needy.

And besides who can deny granfathers horroble habits? OK, I do SOME exagorating, but most of what I say is virtualy true. and I NEVER exagorate granfathers antics and personol behavoir. Or his stink, and dont you know he always washes and wears deodoront when he knows there coming.

Lawsuits aplenty

For the past few months I'd ben writing that the old bastord is facing a number of lawsiuts. Well hes lucky IM not suing him for assault. YES he hit me the other day with the back of his hand with his knobby knuckols right on my head. Then he twists the brigde of my nose with his disgusting crustey fingers. He knows just how to hit you with not allot of effort but so that it hurts as much as possible.

"SHIFT CELLS UP!" (whack!) "I SAID SHIFT CELS UP, YOU WUSSY!" (wack!)

We are both learning Excel. When my folks arived the 4 of us went for family counciling. Our family therapist sugested that me and Granfather find something that just us two can do together for atleast 2 hours a week to help us bond together and try to ovorcome many of the shattored relationship problems weve ben having since I moved in with him. So we both descided we wanted to learn Micrasoft Excel.

At first I was teaching him the little bit of Excel that I already knew... But after a week's time dont you know HE is teachin it to ME. Plus Im the one who read the manaul and he never did. He is diabolicaly smart to the point of being an evil geniuos. We are inventorrying his colectibles into a spreadsheet. The way Excel works is after you make an entry you have to "Shift Cells UP" or else shift LEFT or RIHGT or else you screw up all the rows. I keep forgettin to shift the cells the corect way.

Then instead of pressing UNDO I acidentally press the command for SAVE. i know: I am a jerk. Each time I do it wrong I GET SMACKED OR PINCHED OR HIT. In a way it hurts like hell but on the other hand I am being conditioned not to make allot of misteaks. I also am gettin pretty danm good at Ecxel.

Of course there were NO HITS till after Sunday, when my folks flew home.

How the Family therappy meeting went

This one didnt go so bad. Is kind of enbarassing for me to go because even though its the 4 of us there, (me, my folks and Granfather), we all know its just for MY benefit.

I am an INTP

We all took Myers Briggs tests and my score is INTP. I am a Thinking-Feeling-Introvert. My Dad is anothor one that starts with "I" and a few years back my brother, sisterinlaw and stepmom took Myer Briggs tests and there scores start with "E" for extrovert.

We never found out Granfathers score. He was disrouptive the whole session makin lude jokes and interupting alot but at least we do know that he is an "E". Also the counselor said that Granfather is old and doesnt realy need to find out "what color his parachuote was" like the rest of us. ITS NOT FAIR.

About those lawsuits