Walter Miller Hompage

THIS SPACE FOR SALE
(Well, no, not realy)

Mid March 97 Update

Page 1 of 6

IM BACK

Many of you know my Home page was down for a week--but Prodigy got in touch and said the problem is fixed & shoud never happen again. Many thanks to Prodigy. Also some Prodegy enployees wrote to say theyare fans as well!! Othor people wrote to encuorage me--like my freind George in the remote Marshall Islands. Its amazin where my fans are. THANKS EVRYONE FOR STICKIN BY ME.

Speakin of things that stick around forever one is reminded of what Oscor Wild said about certan people never havin the manners to die when they shoud. One of thos people? GRANFATHER. While Oscar Wild never met the old bastord surely hed comment on all our trailor's patented nonstick cooking surfeces secured to sitting surfeces.

I recenly visited a cookware outlet "Bump And Dent" departmant. The bigest flat nonstick pans are rivited to our kitchon chairs for easier cleaning plus as a heavy barrior for contact with the furnoture.

Youd think he'd just slide off. But no. Granpys knobby lumpy ass is just like one of those skid resistant rubbory bumpy bar room floors where you can spill beer on it & not slip. Now add lots of wooly scraggly coarse hair, more lumps and crannys & all the asociated gluey gummy effluvia that covers his whole body and he sticks pretty danm good thank you very much.

Now if olny I coud stick him to the frikin ceiling and get the hell out of town next time a tornado comes throgh.

Granpys Browsor

Last week the eggotesticle bully descides on a rare whim (no, not to bathe) but anounce hes developing his own WEB BROWSOR. Can you belive it?

The details were not as disgusting as stuff youd normaly read around here, (or disgusting as how other Browsors are developed, Id imagine), but were nonetheless intresting enuogh for me to write about. So i wrote an article about it, not knowing what to do with what I just wrote.

My artocle is pubblished

Well, you know Im havin work problems. My job is hangin by a thread & im desperate for money. Granfather sugested I call the Netly News an see if theyd buy my article. I was enbarased and didnt want to call. But the old beast dialed them up so I got on the line. You know when you call someon you dont want to: Your heart starts beatin and you cant talk.

Well they were NOT intrested. Then Granfater got on the extension & began pleading, startin off very charming, but as soon as he senced their polite blowoff he barked: WALTERS FAMOUS DAMMIT, SO AM I! and prety soon him and the Netly guy were screamin at eachother an I started cryin. Partly from rejection but mostly cause this is YET ANOTHOR dysfuntoial family humiliation for my alredy briused poorselfimage.

Well the old bastord wore them down. They publised it in March 11 1997's THE NETLY NEWS SO SEARCH FOR IT RIGHT HERE.

Then I begged them, PLEASE fix my typoes or at least edit it so I dont look so stupid. They said NO WALTER WERE PRINTIN IT LIKE IT IS. You dont normoly find a writer beggin his editors to please edit his writing--but i always do.

Yes, my opinion ofthe Netly News has plumetted since they let ME of all peopel write for them & surely yours will too, but at least theyll get more hits & so will I and thats what matters cause THATS WHAT THE INTORNET IS ALL ABOUT.

The pay is crappy but I am ready to prostotute myself to get some cash comin in to this misorable desolate trailor of Hell.

Some people who get in touch with me to "colabborate" as they say tell me they cant even pay me at all--but insted offor me 'exposure'. I politely decline such offors. Granfather always says HELL, IF YOU WANT EXPOSURE JEST GO AN' BORROW MUH TRENCHCOAT, BOY...Well, at first, all Netly said they coud give me was a couple of Netly logo caps an t-shirts and a few frigin useless mousepads (with THIER url on it) that they atcualy asked me to leave on the countor of the mini-mart in our town. But then granfather gets back onthe phone hollerin his ass off for a bettor deal for me that involved (Godforbid!) MONEY. He even made them throw in a FREE AOL trial disk.

HE set them straihgt ill tell you. Cheap New Media bastords.

Well enuogh about me. This is my own personol hompage, but even still I feel like the guy who writes about car stereos in Playboy Magzine who is so full of pride becase everyone SAYS they read Plabboy JUST for his colunms--but in reality they just get it for the nakad ladys. It is in this vein I know why YOU, my reador is here: Not to read about me. Your here to read about

GRANFATHER.
So ill hapily oblige you. Hes got alot of problens since our last update but we start with his

Womon problems