We are to literatoure what Sipowitz's ass is to televisoin
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Just like when Granfather stares at you makking that evil look, clears his throat, cocks his pre-hueman, small chambered, proto-simian head way back, then snaps it foward to send a phlemmy wad hurling and lopeing your way, and how the air resistence on its iregular shape breaches and shrapnels the knobby projectile into distinct, independent missiles, this Mid April 1997 update is coming to you in severol separate peices:
Dont worry about gettin lost on this website because all of the pieces end up linking to each other. If the giant, faded dot-matrixed paper banner that hangs above my cubicle at work which reads: 'WORLDS WORST WEBSITE DESIGNGER' is corect, you will NOT get lost on my Homepage. (My bosses permit this abbusive behavoir by my co-workers; all they want me to do is quit so they wont have to fire me and thereby have to pay me unenployment bennefits.)
YOU CAN KEEP READING THIS PAGE:
To see the latest antics of the old bastord...How our trip to Washington ended and what the old biologiocal curiositty is up to of late
Oh, so youve descided for now to keep readin this page? Good choice: Keep reading:
Me, granfather and Uncle Zeke stayed in a cheap motel on the freeway with me in the rollaway bed. I am ovor 6 foot so i hang over the egde of the bed but id rather DIE than share a bed with Granfather. Sharing the hotel room with them both was also NOT FUN. My Uncle gets up to go to the bathroom all night long and being disoreinted in a strange hotel room he often bumps into my rollaway bed as he stumbles around the room half-asleep. My first night in the room at 3 AM Uncle Zeke was tottering around tryin to find the john while granfather was laying in his own bed calling out to him in soothing tones: "A LITTLE TO THE LEFT, ZEKE." And just when granfather said RIGHT THERE! my uncle dropped his pajjamas and peed right on my neck. Granfather laughed his ass off after that and his bloodcourdling cackling was so shrill it knocked 2 of the cheap paintings off the wall which was amazing cause they were bolted on.
The malicious malevolant old bastord later told me that since childhood Uncle Zeke sort of half sleepwalks but will respond to verbol instructions as he gropes about in the midle of the night lookin for a place to drain his old septuogenarian schween. Then when he wakes up he doesnt remembor a thing. This is why, the next morning, my uncle found no reasen to apologgize to me.
Both of Granfathers brothers intensely hate him and as you know the old bastord was banned from the hospitol where Uncle Wiliam is at. On one visit me and Uncle Zeke went to see him while Granps took the train into the city for the day. His legs were feeling good enuogh to use his walker and he was dying to take the FBI Tour. It was nice to be free of him for a few hours.
As I was in the hospitol room Uncle William whispers to Uncle Zeke: "Its time we told the boy about his granfather's fear." and Zeke said: "NO WE WILL NOT."
Yet Uncle Zeke did NOT want me to know Granfather's greatest--his only fear inthe world. His brother Zeke hates his slimy guts as much as his brothor Willaim. But Zeke feels whoevor has knowlege of 'The Fear' can control 'The Beast' and its certainly not a wise thing to hand that knowlege over to someone as young and undisiplined as me.
Later That night we meet up with him for supper