Wedgie Page update

Copyright 1996 Walter Miller

Well we had lots of people write in (hundreds of them) with allkind of diferent wedgies. Among them were the Selfin-flicked Wedgie -usualy seen at the beach. Its when girls wear a thong way up thear. Wow, You cant help but look Oh BOY! (Of course any wedgie thatsnot a male-on-male wegdie or bully-girl-on-weaker-male wedgie isnt a true agrovated act of wedgie).

Theres also the Foriegn Matter wedgie which is sticking anythin from emvelopes to soda straw or pencils in exposed cracks. You get these while bending over under the sink looking for bug spray, or changing a tire. It more tickles than hurts and often is done unbeknown to the one geting it for the porpuse of makin others laugh--sort ofa wedgie equivolant of a Kick Me sign thats put on peoples ass. Yet they grow more populor with the computter-age (as more people bend on the floor), and increasinly are becomin painful wedgies that can include item like printer cabbles, or often a whole power-strip that can hurt like hell. My mean abusive Granfather gave me a Forrein Matter wedgie the other day--I was bent over to add some RAM to my PC, an he got me with a sharp-edge A.O.L.startup Kit that came in the mail. (Betwean the ones I get in magazines, I get about 3 a week. Its becomin a problem, as the last thing i need is granfather to start obsesivly colecting THESE things too)

The Church Wedgie occors to thosands ofthe piously devvout on Sunday mornins & Wedndsay nights in churchs thruhout smalltown midle America. Its when those small plaid foam cusshions on the peuw or folding chair you sit on for many hours slowly recede up your crack durring boring sermons. When you getup theres always a inch-high ridge or sharp wrinkel on the cusshin that stands up inthe shape of your crack there beneath you. In summer its often wet. (in aggnostic circles that dont attend church but use the same chairs, there known as Secular Wegdies, or simply Gradual Wegdies)

The Stealth Wedgie

This Wedgie Page update focuses mainly on Stealth Wegdies, that rare ocurrance inthe ubiquitos & omnipresant world of Wedgies that rears its ugly head (an heads up ugley rears) to jab up your crack when you least ecxpect it-yes my freinds where the wedgie giver apears out of nowhere, gives you an invisable wedgie and VANNISHES so you never know who didit. Staelth Wedgie hapens to me alot (of course its easy to figure out it was my nasty old granfather who did it)

Regular readers of the Walter Miller Homepage are aware of my disfunctonal relatonship with a abusive old granfather. But in my March 96 update things inprove somwhat. How long it'll last who the hell knows. We almost tolorate each other, as watchin StarTreck repeats together 2 times a day has helped patch deep wouonds betwean us

A colabarative work of Art

The first ray of light thru the 'crack' of this shatered relatonship was when we colobarated on a somwhat toilet-humour-related StarTrak Nex Generaton spoof. Well, we also just finished a Voyoger Spoof titled "Stealth Wedgie". The script begins below--or to read the Next Generaton spoof first click HERE then scrole down toword the bottom of the page it brings you to.

Keep reading this page for my Voyagor spoof. (Now all I need is another bodily funtcion and a Deapspace 9 idea!), Ha Ha.

I did most ofthe writing--granfather came up with broad consepts and some diallog. There were clashes of creatave diferences betwean us, and as in every claboration, its not ECXACTLY the way i want it. In fact, I think the Next Genneration one is funnier, while he thinks the Voyagger script is funnyer--you decide. The importent thing: we both compromised. (an i got NO WEGDIES while working together). Other than granfather's crapping (hes in a whelchair an I take care of him), its the only thing we atcually DO together

We hope to have these scripts used by Saturday Night Live or another show. For that reason we worked hard onthem-I even ran them thru a spell checker becuase people (we hope) will have to memorise these scrips one day. If i must say there funny as hell an reprosent my various frustratons in life. Maybe a new carear will help me.

Go to StarTreak Voyagor episode Spoof: STEALTH WEDGIE

Go to Walter Miller Hompage

go To MainWedgie Page

Go the Increddible and Historic Spring 1997 Wedgie Page Update