Theres also the Foriegn Matter wedgie which is sticking anythin from emvelopes to soda straw or pencils in exposed cracks. You get these while bending over under the sink looking for bug spray, or changing a tire. It more tickles than hurts and often is done unbeknown to the one geting it for the porpuse of makin others laugh--sort ofa wedgie equivolant of a Kick Me sign thats put on peoples ass. Yet they grow more populor with the computter-age (as more people bend on the floor), and increasinly are becomin painful wedgies that can include item like printer cabbles, or often a whole power-strip that can hurt like hell. My mean abusive Granfather gave me a Forrein Matter wedgie the other day--I was bent over to add some RAM to my PC, an he got me with a sharp-edge A.O.L.startup Kit that came in the mail. (Betwean the ones I get in magazines, I get about 3 a week. Its becomin a problem, as the last thing i need is granfather to start obsesivly colecting THESE things too)
The Church Wedgie occors to thosands ofthe piously devvout on Sunday mornins & Wedndsay nights in churchs thruhout smalltown midle America. Its when those small plaid foam cusshions on the peuw or folding chair you sit on for many hours slowly recede up your crack durring boring sermons. When you getup theres always a inch-high ridge or sharp wrinkel on the cusshin that stands up inthe shape of your crack there beneath you. In summer its often wet. (in aggnostic circles that dont attend church but use the same chairs, there known as Secular Wegdies, or simply Gradual Wegdies)
Regular readers of the Walter Miller Homepage are aware of my disfunctonal relatonship with a abusive old granfather. But in my March 96 update things inprove somwhat. How long it'll last who the hell knows. We almost tolorate each other, as watchin StarTreck repeats together 2 times a day has helped patch deep wouonds betwean us
Keep reading this page for my Voyagor spoof. (Now all I need is another bodily funtcion and a Deapspace 9 idea!), Ha Ha.
I did most ofthe writing--granfather came up with broad consepts and some diallog. There were clashes of creatave diferences betwean us, and as in every claboration, its not ECXACTLY the way i want it. In fact, I think the Next Genneration one is funnier, while he thinks the Voyagger script is funnyer--you decide. The importent thing: we both compromised. (an i got NO WEGDIES while working together). Other than granfather's crapping (hes in a whelchair an I take care of him), its the only thing we atcually DO together
We hope to have these scripts used by Saturday Night Live or another show. For that reason we worked hard onthem-I even ran them thru a spell checker becuase people (we hope) will have to memorise these scrips one day. If i must say there funny as hell an reprosent my various frustratons in life. Maybe a new carear will help me.
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