Welcome to the Top Menu Page of the FALL 1997 WEDGIE PAGE UPDATE!!!

Bruoght to you by Walter Miller's Home Page(TM) Productions(R)

"Proof that America's crack problem isn't going away anytime soon."

--Mary Elizabeth Williams, in The Web, 8/97

Its that time of year, folks. The countreyside is turning brown. Shadows darken, stretch and elongate. We weare our clothes tighter, and closer. Impressions of hot choccolate quickley sneak up behind us. Impresions too, also rising from within and hunkering up to make its mark, of dark turky gravy, mushy yams, and gingorbread men cooked too long so they have burnt bottoms; (not to mention that commercialy available canned punmpkin pie filling where they always put in too much Brown Dye Number Six).

It is also the seasen where we give thanks for each day we DONT get wedgies from the mean bullies who share our nieghborhoods--(or creul granfathers who share our isolatted rural trailers).

Since the Our last update

The Spring Wedgie Extravvaganza was immencely poppulor. But there was too much mail on the glorrification of Wedgies. (Hmmm. There are ALLOT of sick people on the Internet).

Thearefore I ask you all to keep in mind, to retain in the deepest nooks of your conscoiusness, and ensconced and entrenched in your darkest inmosts, the PUORPOSE of the Wedgie Page:

NOT to gloriffy Wedgies--But to remembor them, and the houmiliation they incur.

NOT so more wedgies can be given--But so they will be doused and dampened to their painfull, burning, twisted bittor END.

...and so this smear, this smudge on humannity, this sopping staining scourge can be yanked, pulled, jerked, and YES, even wiped from this earth, undoing and unravelling--and indeed, unpluckking and picking--the dark, slathoring drenching sloshing swath which cuts so deep and cleaves across and spilts into two sepparate nakad hemispheares the bare vulnorabble surfeces of our fair rounded globe.

The Wedgie Page is Growing in Poppularitty

Yes, Mary Elizabeth William's abbove mentioned qoute from The Web Magazine was a great upward boost making an imprinted impact on me. (In a good way, for once.) The Wedgie Page recieved The Web's covetted "4" rating out of "5", where the rattings are based on Content, Design and Links; (and even despite that The Wedgie Page is a site with NO graphhic design, NO links, and where the content is usauly nothin more than 100% cotton--and perhapps, some residuel Number "2").

My "4" rating was the same acheived by more upstanding sites like The Dilbert Zone, Thesite.com., PC Magazine Online and the I.R.S. website...Yet what is more "upstanding" than The Wedgie Page?

(Also: i mean absolutly NO disresspect to the I.R.S...Woooo! I'd rathor live a life of Wedgies than have THEM crawlin up my ass!)

I admit too, (in an irellevant refflection of childish immaturity on my part), that i am flattored on a personal level by this "4" rating, because, (and i repeat, it is irellevent), there is a pitcure of Ms. Willaims in the magazine and i must say she is pretty cute. (Yeah but whenevor they are cute you can be sure they already probly have a boyfreind.) Thus is the impact on the fraggile male self-esteam so many years later, from gettin all those wedgies i did as a youth.

In any case The Wedgie Page is 'On The Rise'

Yes it is growing, "gathering a base" you mihgt say, (i.e., swelling from beneath), and I assume soon it may grow by leaps and bounds, (Or atleast by a couple of unexpected posterrior upswings by the gripping Hand of Fate when you least expect it).

I immagine The Wedgie Page to eventualey have a huge amuount of content, folks.

And with this much deep, widespread interrest I might even be able to get a sponsorship. Oh, I woud love nothin more than to be able to put up a headline or Bannor ads that say somthin like:

Brought to you by Boeing Aircraft:
"Taking you to new heights"

Sponcered by your locol 7-UP Bottlers:
"7-UP: It's an 'UP' thing!"

Built with Netscape(TM) Gold(R)
"Designed for the HIGHER END User"

Brought to you by Scalpocin:
"The Itch Is Gone!"

Brought to you by Skidmoore Colege:
"The Place For HIGHER Educatoin"

Exclusivly From BVD Undorwear:
"Click here to 'PICK a Winner'"

Sponsored by Stain-Off Gel:
"Stain-Off Realy works: No Shit!"

Okay, you get the idea. (Um, that last one was a little crude. I oppologize.)


Not realy along the traditionol Banner Ad model but a true sponsorship. If you are a "deep-pocketed" sort of concern with a "well placed wad burning a hole in your pants", well, write it in at the e-mail on the bottem of this page.


Lets get into the Speciel Features for this Ecxiting FALL 1997 Wedgie Page Update--Like any good Wedgie, there's ALOT OF MATERIAL here folks, so you may want to savor all these nuggats ovor the days and weeks to come.

  • Eye-"WET"-ness to World Wedgies:
  • The Latest E-mail Lettors about Wedgies from Around the World!!

  • A Personal Family Wedgie Historry:
  • The story BEHIND the story, and the Undorwear behind it all.

    And bringin up the rear:

  • A Wedgeographical Tour:
  • Anothor 'Hike' across the USA in this Update on Regionol U.S.A Wedgies in the words of Wedgie Page Readers!

  • (Hopefulley by the end of this Year)

    High-Falutin' 'Shorts'--Yup, a little High Cultuore to go with all that High Cotton!

    Literatture....Cinema....Media....The Arts......STAY TUNED!

  • Return To The Main Wedgie Page
  • Return To Walter Miller's Home Page

    Send me Regionol Wedgie mail, hidden historricol or cultural wedgie nuggets you might be holding in, or Generol Wedgie information to: walter_miller@hotmail.com

    Most notes will not end up being be pubblished. If it is, your note will most probly be edited for clarity and brevity, (and dare I say), aceptable taste. Please indocate your OK to use any or all of your note. For regional info, please atleast give the State, Cannadein Provints, or Countrey of Wedgie Origin. Plus, i will never print your name. SO WRITE IN--AND ALSO TELL ALL YOUR JUVVENILE CHILDISH FREINDS ABBOUT THE WEDGIE PAGE TOO.

    Copyright, Walter Miller 1995-97. The purpose of this site is to record "IMPRESSIONS" of wedgies and so wedgies will END. Also the emmotionol 'support' and 'lifting up' of those wedgied. (But some mean peopple might get ideas from this site, and if so, I am not responsibble for any Wedgies incurred as a result of people reading this website; That's what you get with the danm internet: Peoplle are allowed to put up porn, viollent images, and hateful blathor of all sorts--Thearefore the much less harmfull Wedgie Page will NOT silenced--it too has its own "Niche".)

    We support pro-active Wedgie Self-Defense Avoidence And Techniqeus, and as well as the President's Task Force on Zero Wedgie Tollorance and especialy U.N.W.E.D.G.I.E., (the United Nations Wedgie Erradication Directive of Glutemal Injury and Exploitation).

    Please, support Support U.N.W.E.D.G.I.E., and The "Just Say NO To Wedgies" Internet Brown Ribbon Campaign. Thank you.