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You, My readors howwevor are probly tiring of my ecxuses.
The sofabed was of course originaly much larger, but due to another acident when we were trying to move the bed while Granfather was still in it, it slipped off the balconey and fell 3 stories crashing flat on its end which compressed it into a yet smallor and more compact (if not more manouverable) mass of twisted wreckage, matted rancid fabric, and reptilian animol life.
Granfather insisted loudley that we leave him exactly the way he is, and that if we atempted to free him, he would kill us all if its the last thing he did.
"Y'AWL ARE ALL GITTIN' SUED, Y'HEAR ME? EACH ONE, ONE AND ALL" he kept screamin at us. "I WANT THE JURY TO SEE ME DRUG INTO THE COURTROOM IN THIS HERE GET UP, LIKE SOME BIG OLE POSSUM IN A TRAP."
Granfather has an ammazing ability to adapt himself to situations where he is trapped and restrained. He is indeed a danm human pretzel and was once cought in a bear trap out in the woods as a child for about a week until he was able to pull the iron steaks out of the ground and stumble off home with the sharp steel claws of the trap, which weighed evon more than he did still snapped tihgt onto his boney thorax. I think he was only about 6 when that hapenned. (The little monstor climbed into the trap on purpose).
They coudnt remove the tongue from the payphone so instead had to take the phone off the wall. Granfather then tryed to sue the phone company for a million dollors. But instead, they countorsued and settled out of court where it ended up that Granfather had to pay to replace the phone and not only that pay back the coins that was in it. The evil monstrossity that he is, Granfather was able to live a normal life with the phone stuck on his face, eating, drinking, smoking and partakking in an active sociel life which included mostley womon of ill repute for a full four months till the danm thing fell off by itself suddenly one day and it killed a chickon.
And now, years later with this sofabed, it is time for yet annother discraceful houmiliating chapter in our family's stained and tarnished history.
"I KIN STAY IN THIS HERE COUCH TRAP AS SNUG AN' COMFY AS A CLAM FER ANOTHOR TWENNY YEARS IF I MUST, GARLDANGIT. NOW SOMEONE GIT ME A CIGARETTE 'FORE I TAKE A BITE OUT O'THE NEXT PERSON'S ASS I COUD REACH."
Since the bastord agreed to act somwhat human if we left him be, we stopped all atempts to free him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a doctor to make house calls in Southorn California. In any case we did get 2 of them to come. The first one came in and started trembling at the site of the evil restrained old troll. I mentionned that Granfather is bent into a bone crunching contourted position, with his back arched and his head upsidedown almost touching the floor.
Granfather has a naturally gummy sticky leathery hide so it all sticks good. Considoring the position his body is tangoled into, my brother and I descided that he looks like an exact cross between one of those poor volcanoe encrusted guys from the Pompeeii exhibit circa 79 A.D. coated with molten ash as to be captured in a sudden writhing death, and the Creature from the Black Laggoon (or else an actor in the Creatuore suit), tarred and feathored by the angry men of a small town and throuwn under the tracks of a moving train.
About that first doctor: He vommited and ran out of the house. Later he billed us and we still had to pay anyway.
The second doctor who came was an older guy who i coud tell was was sort of a wiseass, becuase he kept makkin nervous jokes. Also he was lookin around to see that there wasnt a hiddon camera or somthing around. He thuoght mabye one of his freinds was playin a trick on him or somthing. It coudnt of been a good doctor to begin with. Granfather kept snarling at him and the man kept walking arround toward the back to see if it was plugged in or somthing, like a machine with a ghastly foam rubbor aparatus.
He did not beleive it could be for real. But yes, trapped within the cage, granpy was indeed for real: An authentic shark-like cartiliginnous skeletol structoure surounded by the body of a genuine semi-extinked proto-hominid, and covered all with the uniqeu and anomolous combonation of giant wiggly black mamallian hairs and a scientificly factual scaly saurian hide.
After a halfhour, when granfather woudnt let him get close to him, this doctor left also, and Geuss what: We had to pay THAT doctor too.