Walter Miller's Homepage

Living proof that a poppulor website cant make money

April 1998 Update

Page 1 of 8

Becuase i have been late allot with my updattes i am rewarding the faithfull readers with an extra-large updatte this time. Not only are there 8 pages insted of the regulor 5 to 7 pagges, you will notice the screens are largor than usual. I appollogize agian for the delays. As I strouggle to get my life togethor, I will try to do bettor and improve.

--Your freind,

A vissit from the High Potentate of the Yelow Stone

I had written previousley about how Granfather and his two brothers are collectors of all kinds of crap. Here across our sprawling compound of sheds, colapsing barns and drafty outbuildings are piles and mountains of what the old bastord calls 'colectibles' but are realy mostly useless trash. Also, please dont write to me asking if Granfather has THIS or THAT avialable for sale or trade. Because the old monster ONLY colects and hoards stuff; he used to sell and trade but evor since the late 1980s after ripping off nearley everyone he dealt with, the greedy beast has been banned or blacklisted from most collector groups. Also he is in obtaining mode ONLY...

And OH, the garbege he collects. For exampol, Granfather colects magazine insert cards. Yes those anoyying things that fall out on your lap while your sittin on the toilet reading. I geuss the WIRED magazine ones are pretty nice looking but there is no reason to have an entire half of a chickon coop filled with them. Yet Granfather does. He has them going back to 1939 which was the first one he evor saw. A small listing of Granpy's colectibles are found on my main home page including almost a quarter of a milion hub caps, but he also hoards tons of other crap. This includes, (and please scrolle down if you dont want to read it all):

  • yogurt containor tops
  • sevoral thousand metol coil spirals from spiral notebooks that have been used up
  • a whole barn filled with wire hangors
  • an entire room filled with plastic 2-litor pop bottles
  • used alunimum foil, even peices the dogs chewed (and get this: that also came out there butt: Yuck!)
  • junk mail catalogs
  • Hueman and animol teeth
  • mattresses and old sofas. Not just our own, but other ones he obtains
  • Lawn gnomes
  • plastic fastfood cups
  • seagull turds, painted with shellack (dont ask)
  • tomatoe stakes
  • papperclips
  • corks
  • vinyl dental bite wings
  • chipped dishes and cofee mugs
  • table legs
  • Preciuos Moments, Hummels, Lladro and Snowbaby figuirine heads -- Just the heads, brokken off of the statues. Sick bastord.
  • over 700 refrigerator gaskets
  • Busted ice trays that dont hold wator no more
  • steyrofoam cofee cups by the ton, (and it takes ALLOT of them to make a ton)
  • a few thuosand plastic and glass cigar tubes
  • dryed out ballpoint pens
  • lawn sprinklors (Stolen off peoplle's lawn from arround 1958 to 1970: A whole shed FULL)
  • All of his fingernials since age 9 kept in wood barrels
  • empty paint cans
  • splitted dryed out garden hoses, and segments of old hoses
  • Old tires mostley bald
  • mountains of smashed, unsalvagable car parts
  • dead light bulbs
  • used Scotch tape rolls
  • bent nails
  • old, bald toothbrusches
  • Emptey contact lens fluid containors. I dont know where he gets these.
  • Pogs
  • Wackey Packs
  • AOL Startup disks (two small barns full)
  • concrete blocks
  • cardboard boxes: Any varriety
  • Giant phone compeny cable spools (over 100 of these)
  • Over 100,000 sqaure yards of piled up old carpets and carpat remnents. They are outside, soggy, rancid and full of worms, fleas, maggets and grubs. Also the dogs crap on them.
  • pine cones (which he thinks are extremmly rare and that he used to buy by the box in lots of 100 -- but they are NOT rare, it is just that we dont have allot of pine trees around here.)
  • Okay, that is all for now, i am sick of listing stuff. Not sick in a bored, tedious sence, but sick to my stomoch in shame and mortificattion of being related to such a twisted, maniacol, mentally deranged, ravingly demented, and deleriously psyhcottic, sick, sick, sick stuppid old Son Offobich.

    Please ecxuse my ranting. Granfather has been treated for Compullsive Hoarding Syndrome a rare disorder of the brain. I have writton in the past that in 1990 he was allmost killed and was hospitolized 4 months when a rickety tin silo filled with old bathroom fixtoures and urinals collapsed on him. These porcelian "treasures" are now stored in a dozon or so abandoned rusted automobiles parked across our dusty weedy property amist perhaps fifty old non working washers dryers stoves and dishwashers. We also dont throw any trash out. All old food containors are washed out and seggregated into seperate mountainous piles, and all old papers (junk mail, newspappers etc), are stacked in their aproppriate mound of crap. Thanks to El Nino theres allot of soggy stuff. But am I allowed to throw out anything? Even one speck? HELL NO.

    A few of my readors know where I live. Everyone knows that if you ever show up to poke arround the old bastord is likeley to train a shotgun on you. The old bastord has very few items of valeu. Over 99.9% of his crap meets the folowwing critteria in order to qaulify as a collectible:

  • 1. It must be useless
  • 2. It must be avialable in large quantities
  • 3. It shoud be somthing that surely no one else colects
  • 4. In case it IS somthing with some sort of value, it is designatted to be placed out of doors or else in a leaky building or shed so mold and mildue grow on them and so the entire colection is rendered uttorly ruined and worthless in a matter of weeks.
  • But there are a few items of value. On item in particulor is in a frame in our living room. More about that in a bit. But first you are wondering who the High Potentate is. And why he is sleeping in my room, and why i am sleepin on the rollaway bed in the living room. It is Granfathers older brother, my Uncle Zeke. He is visitting from the East coast where he lives.

    There is a secret society of collectors of all kinds of crap and if you remember when i wrote about him last year, you will know that Uncle Zeke has a rank of High Potentate of the Yellow Stone on the Purple Turben. This is not as high as you think. For exampol, it is higher than the green stone but lower than the blue stone. White turbens come aftor purple, and all "High" Potentates are lower than "Great" Potentates.

    I probly shoudnt be telling you ANY of this. Ecxept i will say that Granfather is banned for life from the secret society. And not only becuase they accept only humans (and not animals or extraterestriols, or in the case of Granpy, a blend of both) as members.

    BUT FIRST-- The events leadding up to the visit.