A tempest in a toilet
November can mean only one thing:

the Septembor 1999 Update

Page 1 of 6

First a small anouncement

I am almost hafway done with my next update so you shoud get it beffore the end of Novembor. And I also have:

A Big Anouncement

Folks remmember I wrote in my last update about how i had an inportant anouncement to make in my next update. I was supprized to see that I got over 100 emails about it. Many of you wrote in to geuss what the anouncement woud be about. Here are the guesses of my readors in order of popularity:

1. I got anothor job -- a better job

2. I moved out of the trailor and got an apartment in town

3. There will be a NEW creative portrayol of "Walter Miller's Home Page."

4. I am retiring (Hmm, not a chance)

5. This website is moving to a new URL

6. Granfather moved into a nursing home/travelling zoo (No, but thank you for the kind thoghts)

7. Granfather died/was mercifulley and with dignity and respect humanely youthenized (No, but thank you for the much kindor, warmer thoghts)

8. My face finaly cleared up (Hmm, not funny)

9. I finaly got layed (Ha Ha verrrrry funny)

10. Free at last, Free at last, Thank God allmihgtey You are Free at last becuase I have broken down and decidded to USE A SPELL CHECKOR. (Nope, nope, and Nope).

OK i will tell you what it is

Yes its Number 5 - this website has a NEW ADDRESS

Yes thats right -- we will be moving to new URL

Yes if you go there now you will see we are UP AND RUNNING. (Althuogh there's nothin speciel there -- its the same lame site you see here).

I will probly mirror the Geocities site, atleast for a while. This is so people remmember to update there bookmarks. Long time readers of this site will recall that 2 years ago I moved the site to Geociteis from a Prodigy User Home Page and certianly that wasnt painful.

Yes finaly I will a new URL that for the first time ever wont be long and crappy. Now for those of you worried that somhow I have compromized myself:

The Walter Miller's Homepage(R) Guorantee(TM)

Irregardless of our plans in the future, we strive to continually provide our readdership with low quality, high-typograhpicol error, poor taste toilet humor.
Best of all you wont be gettin no more ANNOYING POP-UP ADS no more that Geociteis uses.

How this came about

Some nice people contacted me and offored to buy the URL for me. Also my credit is bad and i dont have a credit card and so they are paying to host the site for me. In return we will probly be doing business togethor. They are content and technology people. Oh boy there may be some exciting things hapenning. But I canot talk about them yet. Yes they are very nice people. Even though we did get off on the wrong foot to start with.

You see, I wanted to get waltermiller's but when they signed up for it, a coupel of people who work there, (who i will not mention, but they did NOT have to be so haughtey about it), said that you cannot use an apostrophee in a URL.

Well dannmit I knew that. In any case I got in an argoument with them and we all had a conference call where I got my ass chewed out and the way it ended up they said take it or leave it you ingraite. OK I apollogize for my atitude.

Why did I choose these peoplle to do busines with? I am weak and inpressionable. Also they are based in New York city's famed Silicon Ally and they will pay to fly me to New York City several times a year to atend meetings. Well you cant beat THAT.

Yes good old Newyork City. Where I will have the chance to visit the Statan Island dump, the world's largest garbege dump and stand there inhailing into my lungs as hard as I can the malodorrous fetid fumes which to me are the sweetest of fresh air when compaired to the overwelming stinking stench I am used to each day by sharing a small trailer with GRANFATHER.

Yes the old basterd has been real dificult to get along with.

He is so mean. He makes fun of me so bad. The othor day I was actualy cryin because he was callin me all kind of names, and saying I am ugly. You cannot immagine what an insult that is if you knew how danm ugly HE is. With his orangey brown, burnt hot-dog colored skin covored with oozing lumps bumps and carbunkles.

Not to mention his offensive reeking smell. We are talkin about the only person in the world who needs the permision of two thirds of the Legitslature and an approved Enviromentol Impact Statement presented on demand in order to take a crap on public property.

I finally talked Granfather into going to the doctor.