Walter Miller Homepage

Where you scrub for an hour to get his damm socks off an then discovor he isnt wearing none.

Novembor 96 Update

Page 1 of 8

The Monstor Takes Manhatten

My miserable life contuneus unabbated. Things WERE goin mostly well.

But just like the cow who you spend ten minutes milking her watchin the pail fill up with all that dellicoius foamy milk and your starting to drool cause theres nothin like fresh milk when its still warm and its almost at the top and youre on your very last squirt when sudenly she switches her tail in a pile of droppings then swatches it back DOWN IN THE PAIL in a flash with a giant turd on it AS USUAL HAVENT YOU GUESSED IT GRANFATHER GRANFATHER GRANFATHER ruins the only one part of my life in YEARS where things have been going good.

The above anallogy is one granfather uses often and it comes from his old freind Linden Johnson describin Bill Fulbright. Its a stolen analogey but you get the idea. As you read in my home page over the last few months you may know that Im writting a book of my life. It will detail my involment in the internet industry: how i used to be a bigshot how I failed and also about my failed marraige (a record at 8 days) and the reasons WHY Im here wasting my life as a living pennance taking care of my insolent granfather and his indolent bowwels.

As my work atracts lots of atention Im the subject of yet another paper this one in a Univarsity of Kentuky Modern Literture class, and my work is in the sylabus for a course at a Calif. State college (so the instructor wrote me). OK ILL STOP. IM BRAGGING. PLAESE FORGIVE ME. I have a low self esteam and this is what hapens. i brag too much.

I also have a New York book agent and Im now in process of writin drafts as editors reveiw it. As youcan imagine my spelling is a problem. Im also developin a plot. Theres lots of varied scattologicol humor involving varrious bodily humours as well.

You may be interested in gettin a copy of my book if and when it comes out. Ifyou want to stay informed just drop me a note at:


Granfather and i are fighting ALOT lately about artistic interprottation. Plus he wants it to be a scrach and sniff book or at least a pop-up book. But I SAID NO. More on that in a bit.

The Big Apple beckens the Big Worm

Granfather and i took a trip to New York my first trip ever there to meet my agent. I DID NOT want him comin along cause its MY book but because he sued the rest of my family his lawyer and ours too said we had to include him and also he gets 20% of all profits.

But we agreed hed have to GO HIMSELF and pay his own way. I flew in on Sunday an changed planes in Atlanta with alot of crazy Braves fans on there way to the World Sereis and 2 fat ones sat on eithor side of me with there big elbows on my side burping and fartin for the whole flihgt.

I flew to Laggaudia airport and took a taxi downtown and i thouht i got screwed but later i found out THATS WHAT THEY REALY CHARGE. It was too expensiv to stay on the island of Manhatton so I stayed in a motel right across the river in Queens and took a subway. Well dont you know the old beast had the same idea. He stayed in a cheap place a few miles away in Flushing Qeueens you know why? Cause granfather said I ALWAYS WANTED TO STAY IN FLUSHING I LIKE THE NAME. Also he says FLUSHING is the logicol place to go after CRAPPING and WIPING. I dont make this stuff up. The man has a sick mind.

I never saw his motel but he chose it cause the ad in the paper said RATES BY THE HOUR and the daily rate was in the center of a heart. Dont ever stay in a motel where the price is ina heart.

Air travel for granfather was out of the qeustion. Under the care of the animol behavorol specilist we went to see in my last update granfater was packed in a custom steel shiping containor designed for violent primates and and sent by truck. It was made in Ruwanda and was once used to transport rabid silverback gorrillas. Our own pet carrier was no good as he reqiured one where althogh he must remain crouching the animol can completly turn around in it. With the cost to dropship him and rent the containor (AND clean it afterword--PHEW!) as well as insurence the old beast could of friggin flown first class.

CONTINUED: Lateley its A whole new granfather