Walter Miller's Home Page

FAQ part 3

Q: You say granfather is "hourny"; Is the reason why he's so nasty out of frustration because he doesn't have 'feeling down there'?
A: Oh no. He has feeling down there--bellive me everything works (DONT ASK). Hes just mangled up, not parralized. Listen to this: Just pryor to my coming here to live, granfather employyed an escourt service. Our town is small, an there were only 2 wommen of ill repute living here. After "house calls" with the old basterd one of them is now in a mental ward. The other told me personaly she changed her wikked ways an goes to church now. (An these were seasonned woman)

Q: Overall, how is his health?
A: Excelent. Hes only 62 an besides skin rashes, boils, an lack of sphinxter control (which i think he turns on an off at will just to tourment me), The doctor says he can live to 100. Hes never seen heart, lungs an mussel tone so strong even on a man of 40. Tobbaco an alchohol have NO AFFECT on him. He also eats like 20 eggs a day but has extremly low cholesterrole.

The easiest way to make me cry: Atleast once a day he says to me: "Walter, theoreaticolly, you'll be takin care of me when your older than Iam now!" and then he laughs. His voice is hiddeous. Its a croaking, barking, almost mettallic noise iddentical to when youre a kid and you drink lots of ginger-aile an puorposely belch as loud as you can in a coffee can.

Q: What's your favorite spots on the web?
A: I like Mirsky Worst Of The Web, Suck, also Hot Wired. Also the other StarTrek spoof sites. There are places also on-line to deal with emmotiuonal abuse.

Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: Im a vorracoius reader. I enjoy Shakespear, Tolkien, Azimoff and Fritz Leiber. I also love games like DukeNukem and DOOM. I play DOOM with a Patch file of granfather's face an voice. I reccently did an entire DOOM Epposide of our whole propperty: The trailor, outbuildings, piles of collectobles an everything. All the Monsters are versions of him, based on real scanned-in photoes. They all say difrent things that he atcually said, that I cought on tape and I later I dubbed in: The flyeing skulls say "stupid basterd" and floating one-eyed red heads say, "Walter, you Wussy", and the brown furry guys, Barrons of Hell and Former Hummans make his burps, farts laughs and screams. The last level is our trailer, an its on mecchanical legs like the big spider. Of cuorse, at the end, you kill granfather. It takes 62 dirrect hits with the BFG 9000--one hit for each year of his missorable life.

(Plaease, dont ask for my DOOM files--I gave one away an it courrupted someone's machine an I got in trouble)

Q: What's the story of your marriage/divorce?
A: This whole storey ilustrates the levvel of what a jerk I am. Im meager on the facts onthe advice of council as there are lawsiuts pending on both sides. I was tricked into marriaige brieffly at age 18. (Im now 20). It all started when I bragged to all my friends how much money I was making as a boy-gennius programmer in the booming computer industry. As it turns out I exaggerated profusely. A girl tricked me into marrying her becuase she was already pregnont with another guy and they both needed the cash. (The other guy was in on it).

FAQs CONTINUED--OK Walter--then why'd you marrey her?