Yeah, I'm sick in the head for writing it...But what does that make YOU for readin it?
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The whole thing with his sinuses this time of year is alwayes a problem but this year it is incredibble. Of course like any ignorent American who is unable to acount for the unexplained, and who wants to sound inteligent, Granfather blames El Nino.
The doctor has vehemently advized agianst this latest awful project. But later on he gave in, and even sugested that if it succeeds, perhaps next year I shoud try to convince Granfather to swalloew an electricol cord next, with all of the plastic sheathing stripped off. Then when the bastord is sleeping, we coud plug it into the wall. (The doctor said that other than an instant, painless and humane death by electricuttion, the worst part about it may be the smell of burnt chitlins arround the trailer. This is the new doctor, and allready he is disillusioned enuogh as to have regular fantacies about legalized Youthenassia.)
In the meantime, what Granfather is referring to the point of entry of his mouth as "Point A". When you look at "Point A" , there is a large thread of waxy cinnamon dental floss coming out of his mouth, which then loops up into his nose, and then comes out of his moulth once again to hold it in place; the thread contineus to the box of floss which he keeps in his shirt pocket.
My old nameplate strip was left on my desk chair. I asked them what shoud I do with it and they said to me, "Say, why not put it on the wall of your room at home." But meanwhile I do not HAVE any room on the wall of my room because of the giant Fart Chart that Granfather put there, at the insistance of a U.S. Govorment publication, (which i wrote about in my last update.) I tried to explain this to them, but do you know what they said? They said to me, (while walking away): "WHATEVER."
Also evveryone got new nameplate strips: ECXEPT ME. They are discontineuing the old blue nameplate strips and replaicing them with gray ones.
The day they handed them all out, I asked, "WHERES MY NEW NAMPLATE?", plus i also asked for a new nameplate strip holder to attach it next to the one that's there, (to go next to the one that says COPY STATION / FAX), and they said, "SORRY WALTER WE DONT HAVE THE BUGDET FOR IT."
Plus they were realy cheerful each time they spoke to me. Also, all day I had peoplle who usualy are mean to me and ignore me, instead complimenting me on ridiculuos things like: How nice I am, how much they like me "personally", and even conpliments on my pants. They are black jeans for Godsake. Evereyone wears them.
In this industrey, do not ever trust peopple at work who are normaly hard-asses when they start bein all cheerful to you. It cannot be a good sign. I came up with a law to describe it:
Walter Underscore Miller's Law of The Workplace # 1:"The increase in the ammount your ass is kissed by co-workers is directley propportionol to their furtive and incremental knowlegde that that same ass will be handed to you imminently by management."
Me and the cartoonist and 2 othor guys may be lookin to prodduce it on our own. If anyone out there runs a company that wants to fund it, please write to me and let me know. My freind Manny who knows about these things says that merchandise is the way to go, and we were also planning to sell crap on the site. Perhaps Granfather(TM) figurines, caps, and T-shirts will be big sellers.
I am sure we will sell allot of Bastord(R) Figourines as demon idols to local natives in remote jungle areas, and perhaps the witch doctor in the village woud be willing to increase his "scare" factor amongst the villagers by wearing one of the T-shirts, featuring a cartoon of the freakish coot on the front saying, "WHUT THE HELL'RE YOU LOOKIN AT?"
"NO WONDER THEY GOT POT SMOKIN' SNOWBOARDERS, WHUT WITH THEM FRUITY HATS" said the bastord the othor day, with his reticulated prehensile toungue stuck allthe way to the bottom of the longneck bottol of Bosco choclate Syrup. You know how deep it goes.
Instead of a disertaton howwevor, I have compiled a list on a sepparate page (in no parrticulor order), of "THE TOP TEN ANOYING THINGS GRANFATHER DOES DURING THE 1998 WINTER OLIYMPICS."
You can CLICK HERE to read the Top 10 now (with easy access back to this update)
Or you can CLICK HERE to contineu reading this Update.